Home > Get in Style > Hurricane Sandy Survival Guide: 10 Things Not to Leave Home Without
Post Date: October 10, 2012
Stocking up on food, water and paper goods is for rookies.
What you need to be worried about is marking your territory for the new, post-apocalyptic society which you’ll be a part of. Your bottled water and spaghetti won’t help when the mole people come out. Below are things you’ll actually need to survive the east coast’s worst hurricane in 100 years.
1. Wooden Plank and Paddle
Or in the case of Bangkok residents, a rice bucket and a broom. In a hurricane scenario, this will be your best source of transportation for the looting/pillaging spree.
2. Crossbow (traditional or pistol)
No matter what type of crossbow you decide on, there’s no doubt this is the most bad ass way to protect yourself during post-disaster, dog eat dog survival games. That or a rusty knife.
3. Bandages and/or Rags
You can’t go breaking into places with your bare hands. Just wrap some rags around them and then smash the windows.
4. Lighter and Fluid
Fire is good for all types of shit in a disaster-stricken world: cooking rats, burning buildings, lighting the way to your new sewer dwelling, building fires to dance around while chanting to your new Gods. Ya know, the usual.
You can’t just hold your rat meat over the trash can fire. You need something to stick it on.
6. Copy of Waterworld
This is your new bible. Watch it. Learn from Kevin Costner.
7. A Human Sacrifice
Because your new Water Gods demand it.
8. War Paint and Battle Cry
There will be many clans vying for the same food, shelter and sexual conquests as you. Proper battle tactics are essential.
9. Poison w/ Antidote
This is super important. You can poison people and then extort them for whatever you want in return for a drop of antidote.
You HAVE seen The Bachelor, right???
Now go forth children, and loot, burn and pillage what was once a community of sound infrastructure, intelligent minds and justice. Cause none of that matters when it gets windy and rains a lot.