If ya go home with Brad Pitt and wake up with Chris Farley, ya probably had beer goggles on last night.
Uhh… that’s not a bathrobe you’re wearing brah… it’s actually her big ass panties. Betcha wish you hadn’t put on those goggles.
It’s a gift. You can thank your higher power for this one.
No clue how ya got home, and judging from your bruised hip and sore throat, you probably don’t wanna know.
Really? It’s that hard to hang on to money that you had to get a piggy bank?
If you’re saving for like a 20-keg rager or 15 bottles on your b-day then OK. Otherwise grow up.
If you were really smart you’d have Cirrhosis Money, Attorney Money and Health Insurance for when your liver kicks, you get a DWI and end up in rehab.
Two kinds of beer muscles:
1) A few drinks down the hatch and all of a sudden some d-bag thinks he’s Steven Seagal, Jean Claude van Damme and Chuck Norris rolled into one.
2) When the guy who thinks he’s van Damme has super human strength from being so drunk and ends up on trial for involuntary manslaughter.
Everyone needs to relax.
There’s always someone at the pre-game who doesn’t make it to the bar/club.
Ever fall asleep at the bar/club and get kicked out. It sucks for everyone else… unless no one cares in which it cases it just sucks for you.
When it’s 6AM and the after-hours are barely hanging on, that’s when it’s time to ass out. Ya shoulda found someone to go home with…
We’ll say this… women can hold it in for an awfully long time. Way longer than any guy. It’s impressive to be honest
Once they break the seal, however, it’ll be trips to bathroom every 5 minutes, all night long.
Pharrell wrote a song about it.
The asshole who ruins everyone’s night; usually because of their dumb ass drama, need to discuss politics and religion, or stick-up-their-ass opinion on what it means to have fun.
Examples include fights with one’s significant other, people who insist on telling ‘that’ story one more time, horrible music after you’ve just heard three of your favorite songs in a row, discovering that you’ve spent all of your money, tough guy meat heads and more.
Shout out to Big L!
When someone has bad breath next to you at the club and you cannot escape.
Considering dragons are mystical, fire-breathing creatures, the human equivalent is someone with bad breathe who’s burning other people’s nostril hairs. Hence the phrase, “that mawfucka caught the dragon.”
Someone who spends every night in the club, probably has a minimum wage job and a drug problem.
Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer unsolicited personal advice to anyone and everyone.
They will never shut up and always think they are right.
When you drank too much.
You can usually find these people being carried out by security
People who lurk around the club and steal unattended or abandoned drinks that some unsuspecting guest left at the bar.
As in, “I’m so broke I’ve been jumping strays all night.”
Someone who’s shy until last call, at which point they’ll try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or alcohol at their home.
When you wake up after a hard night of partying and look like you were in a boxing match.
Doing the damn thing before you go out! Just don’t ass-out before it’s time to go the club.