Scorned by your latest ex? Bitter that you’re single on Valentine’s Day? Wish you could chop off cupid’s fat baby face and rue the day Saint Valentine was born? Time to have some single lady fun on the sappiest day Hallmark ever invented. Suck it Valentine’s Day!
Gotta love a guy with a bulge… in his pockets!
It’s like Match.com but instead of getting set up with desperadoes, you will set up on dates with guys who will buy you stuff!
Move over box of chocolates, hello diamonds and private jets.
Play pin the tail on the donkey, only use a blown up picture of your ex boyfriend, and instead of tails, use a cutout of a switch blade.
Have a piñata made of your best friend’s ex’s big, stupid head and pound away.
Play spin-the-bottle with your girls (those boys will WISH they stuck around).
Buy a wedding cake and eat the whole thing with your gal pals…guilt free!
No man, no need to keep the weight off!
Nothing like walking past “our favorite coffee shop” (boo hoo), “the restaurant we had our first date” (wahhhhh!!!), “the DC Nightclub I saw him hooking up with that whore!” (grrrrrr)…
Take a day trip. Maybe the new scenery will bring a fresh outlook on your single life, or maybe you will meet your next man!
Maybe not MAX out, but treat yourself to your own Valentine’s Day gift.
Guys never get what you really want anyway, so skip the disappointment and show yourself some love!
Go to a romantic restaurant with a girlfriend!
No need to sit in self-pity. Buy each other dinner, drink some champagne, and make fun of all the sappy couples around you who will probably be broken up before spring break.
Been scorned by your latest ex? Maybe it’s time to do away with the weaker gender and dive, shall we say… head first into the other??!?!
Catch up with some of your single ladies; compile a list of all the people you have slept with.
Call, email, or Facebook them and tell them you have just found out you have <enter favorite STD here> and you just wanted to let them know they should be tested.
Nothing like putting a damper on their Valentine’s Day by boosting your own!
Go to a concert or nightclub.
Nothing will get your mind off your singleness than losing yourself to the music and the crowd.
Who needs him when you are surrounded by thousands of your closest strangers and maybe snag a rockstar while you are at it.
Sometimes watching other people’s sad and pathetic lives makes our problems seem small in comparison.
Try watching “The Biggest Loser”, “Precious”, “Intervention”, “Elephant Man”, “Hoarders”, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”, need more, ok, “The Killing Fields”, “Sophie’s Choice”, “Requiem for a Dream”…You’ll be feeling better in no time!