Contributing Writer: Sheldon Long
Your goal should always be to be the best wingman ever! When you’re at the club or at a party and your friend needs you to take the ugly one so he has a shot at the hottie, you do it, no questions asked. Wingman duties may also include running interference from the girl’s man-hating friends.
Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he’s trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
If a group of guys is out on the town and each is picking up the drinks, whip out your into your wallet and join in. Hiding in the bathroom when it’s your turn is not only lame, it’s pathetic. If the earlier rounds were girly specialty drinks which can be expensive, spring for a round of beers or hit up the Ultrabar drink specials.
Perhaps the most important of the man code. No matter how hot she is or how much you always wanted to pounce, you, as a real man and keeper of the code, will not sleep with your friend’s ex-girlfriend, ex-wife or ex-anything. There’s no time frame until she’s available, this isn’t hunting season. Boning the ex of a buddy is like sticking a knife (or your penis) in his back. Even if you have permission, tread lightly.
Never talk in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing. Talking through that glory hole might invite the wrong kind of attention. Holding your junk should be a silent activity. Equal footing- both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an “I recognize you” nod will do just fine.
The DUI is never worth it and if you’re too far to taxi, someone’s gotta be the designated driver. However, if your DD finds a hot girl, and you’re left all alone in the corner, find another way to get your drunk ass home. This is acceptable. Duties can also extend to driving to the party plus handling the valet.