We’re far more than the greatest country in the world…
We’re also the greatest civilization that ever existed.

That’s why we have so much to celebrate!

So how does one go about creating a national holiday? Well, it takes a lot of work and literally an act of Congress. First you have to create a proposal and contact your local congress person. You have to get it onto the congressional agenda. Next you have to be patient. It takes a while.

That’s it. You can find your local representative by searching the US House of Representatives database.

There are a bunch of ‘fake’ national holidays that have been created and copyrighted for advertising purposes. But the list below are real from what we can tell.

January
03 Fruitcake Toss Day
08 Bubble Bath Day
Nothing beats sitting in a tub of your own filth, except sitting in a tub of your filth mixed with bubbles. The girl is a bonus.

09 Play God Day
Not enough people play God these days.
11 Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day
12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
[Insert wise-ass comment here]
14 Dress Up Your Pet Day
Or in the case of Long Island, Westchester, OC, LA and North Jersey housewives, and girls who go to school at Syracuse or UMD… Thursday.

19 National Popcorn Day
23 Measure Your Feet Day
Confucius say: Man who put foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue.

25 Opposite Day
Yup, there really is a legit opposite day.
27 Chocolate Cake Day

28 National Kazoo Day
We’ll show you a kazoo 😉

February

02 Ground Hog Day
No offense, but how did this become a legitimate holiday?
11 White T-Shirt Day
Or in the case of 2003 drug dealers… Tuesday.

12 Plum Pudding Day
13 Get a Different Name Day
Especially if you’ve just committed a crime.
18 National Battery Day
In Philly, they celebrate this multiple times during baseball season.
20 Cherry Pie Day
20 Hoodie Hoo Day
LOL really?
22 Be Humble Day

28 National Tooth Fairy Day (also August 22)
Also can be celebrated on Mother’s Day or Father’s day BECAUSE THE TOOTH FAIRY DOES NOT EXIST.

MARCH
01 Employee Appreciation Day first Friday in March
The other 364 days/year are “Take advantage of the help Day”
01 National Pig Day
05 Multiple Personality Day
06 Dentist’s Day
It’s always nice to have a good dentist.

08 Be Nasty Day

11 Worship of Tools Day
lol
16 Everything You Do is Right Day
Or for guy’s having conversations with their girlfriends… everyday.
20 Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
Yup… March 20th is the day we celebrate those who have been kidnapped by aliens wtf
25 Waffle Day
This might be the best one.
26 Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
Someone paid their congress person a lot of money.
28 Something on a Stick Day

Stay tuned for April – June