Best Ways to Get Kicked Out of the Club
Surefire Ways to Get the Boot
There’s nothing like getting wasted and grinding on your girl while swinging her bra around your head… ’til you see the flashlight in your face and feel a bouncer’s arm around your neck. People watch in disgust as cabs drive by you in that puke-stained shirt. It has happened to the best of us, so here is what to avoid!
Underage Drinking
This is a no-brainer! What? The big “X” on your hand didn’t tip you off?
Though there are plenty of under 21 nightclubs in DC, save the drinking until your 21. Your waistline will thank you, and so will security.
If you must drink pre-21, hop the border to our neighbors in Mexico or Canada and enjoy the hangover!
The Runaway
Somewhere between the bar and the front door must lay the Bermuda Triangle.Why people guzzle down drinks then disappear without paying is a mystery.
It’s the same as walking into the mall and walking out with unpaid merchandise.Maybe a security tab stapled onto guest’s nuts would keep them from walking out.
Touching the Dancers
Look, but don’t touch!
Dancers like DC nightlife’s Glow Girls are there to get you dancing, not to get you off. Think of it like a zoo animal and keep your fingers out of the cage.
Sloppy Drunks
It can be hard with so many drink specials, but drinking past your limit is dangerous to your health and more importantly annoying to everyone.
Stumbling around like a drunken buffoon just leads to fights, messy puking and the risk of a DUI!
Fighting
Can’t we all just get along?
Alcohol + the typical macho douche bag =unnecessary brawls
Why get thrown out of the club and into a cop car?
Frisky Business
Save the aggressive PDA for your mom’s basement. Removing articles of clothing and/or humping like dogs in heat in the middle of the dance floor is gross.
Two thumbs up for your exhibitionist spirit, but it’s better suited for soft-core porn than a public place.
Geysers
Keep a lid on your bodily fluids.
Can’t hold it in? Try an adult diaper.
Throwing up is so High School! Know your limit!
Save the spitting for the baseball diamond and if the unspeakable is your issue, there is a nice room waiting at Shady Pines Retirement Village.
Inventive Weaponry
Carrying a weapon will make sure you do not enter the nightclub, though in the heat of an alcohol fueled rage clubbers creative senses may heighten.
Your new stiletto heels= Blunt Force Object
Hairspray= Easy mace in a pinch
That pic sticking out from your fro= Knife Fight
Disrespecting the Bouncer
Sometimes bouncers will give you a warning before kicking you to the curb.
This is your one chance to redeem yourself.
No need to dig your own grave by fighting with the bouncer, he may be an escaped convict, a bounty hunter, a cop, or just bigger than you.
Grab Bag
Unwarranted grabbing at other guests is a sure fire way to get thrown out.
Would you grab someone at Starbucks or in passing on the street? NO!
If you would, you are probably already shunned from society or sharing a cell at the DC Correctional Institution.
Hot Pockets
Busy bartenders may not get a moment to immediately pick up their tips off the bar.
Helping yourself to their money, or trying to pawn off another customer’s tip as your own is a great way to piss off the bartender and be escorted out, sober, and alone.
Wrecking Ball
AVOID!!!
Throwing glassware
Jumping on furniture
Destroying club property
Though a common practice of rockstars in hotel rooms, or gorillas in a cage, throwing property is a no-no.
Passing Out
The pass out is akin to the narcoleptic. One moment, fine, the next…
“Yeah! Party! Woo Hoo, I love this….” THUMP!
You definitely don’t want this to be you, especially if you are wearing a dress.
Murder on the Dancefloor
Clubs can be very territorial.
Make sure not to over step your bounds and try to move in on the owner’s wife/girlfriend.
Castration may follow!
