ENOUGH ALREADY!

It’s annoying, it’s out there, it assaults you on social media and even spills into actual “real” life outside the confines of your computer, it’s why people roll their eyes at you, de-friend you on Facebook, un-follow you on Twitter, and just generally dislike you. It’s the MOST annoying things you have to STOP doing on social media and beyond.

That’s what she said

This is on the top of the list, quite possibly the one I hear that sends a chill of hatred up my spine at the very mention. We can blame “The Office” and Steve Carrell for Michael Scott’s catchphrase, “That’s what she said”. It’s overused and poorly used.

“I watched Spiderman 2 at the theater today!” Response- “That’s what she said!”

And we all know people who say it after everything someone says, waiting for a high five or a fist pump. Just…don’t.

Hashtagging

Damn you Twitter! The hashtag symbol (#) is used as a virtual filing system on Twitter, and should NEVER be used in non-virtual conversations, or on Facebook.

“That hashtag ‘SoulCycle’ workout was hashtag ‘amazing’, but it totally hashtag ‘KickedMyAss’ and did you see that girl’s hashtag ‘BigButt’ in the hastag ‘FrontRow’? It was a total hashtag ‘Throw Back Thursday’ moment!”

Willy Wonka vs Dos Equis Guy

 

There needs to be a boxing match between Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder- 80 years old) and The Most Interesting Man in the World (Jonathan Goldsmith- 75 years old) to duke it out for who is the most OVERUSED photo on text graphic on the web! Who do you think would win?

[Enter choice debasing divider here] Problems

Everyone’s got problems these days! White girl problems, black girl problems, rich people problems, poor people problems, gay boy problems, and all kinds of problems. Talk about segregation, I thought we were all moving towards equality? But at least there’s one thing people agree on, no matter the race, gender, or sexual orientation we all love to bitch about our issues! Blog bitching #WhiteGirlProblems

I Run [“your” city here]

But do you really? Are you an elected official? Can they even do anything? What exactly do you run? Because by the looks of the people who typically say this, including, but not limited to at least one reality show character on every reality show ever (especially the Bad Girls Club), you don’t run sh*t! The only thing you’re qualified to run is your own bad decisions right into the ground. Not even the counter at Burger King or maybe a forklift, but probably not. No definitely not heavy machinery.

Sunday Funday

Sunday really made a comeback from the latter known “Lord’s Day” when you’d get in your Sunday’s Best, this may even include a bonnet and head to church or at least grab some cheap pancakes at IHOP. Now’s it’s done a total 180, and reemerged as a booze fueled day of debauchery and lard dripping brunching. Basically an extension of Saturday night, a day you’ll commonly see nightclub zombies roaming the streets in last nights clothes, shameless to the fact they are wearing black pleather pants to the Waterfront. We have no problem with this, but ‘Sunday Funday’ as a term is stupid. It’s right up there with ‘Tuesday Boozeday’ and ‘Winesday Wednesday’, and you know who uses the term ‘Winesday Wednesday’? Kathie Lee Gifford=not cool!

Ninjas and Wizards

These are words that should never leave the roundtable where you play Dungeons and Dragons in your mom’s basement.

I’m a “Computer Ninja”, “or a PR Wizard”…

Ninja- A ninja (忍者?) or shinobi (忍び?) was a covert agent or mercenary in feudal Japan. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, and open combat in certain situations.

Wizard– A man who has magical powers, especially in legends and fairy tales.

That’s all.

Food Porn

Food porn, or the doubly annoying #FoodPorn is the pits! Posting pictures of food on social media is acceptable for anyone in the food service industry. We’ll even let it fly for non-industry folk who post a meal they had in a food service establishment, or if you can actually cook something presentable. But the worst is when people cook a homemade meal that consists of boiled chicken, cream corn and a piece of white bread and they think the all greyish beige blob on a paper plate is worthy of a five-star restaurant. Food is not porn, nobody wants to see a banana and a grapefruit doing the nasty, and if you do, you’re sicker than we thought.

Gasm

Which leads us to foodgasms…adding “-gasm” to pretty much any noun doesn’t make sense.

“That DJ, like totally gave me an ‘ear-gasm’!” ßSTUPID

The same goes for foodgasm, travelgasm, and shoegasm, thus the only acceptable is gasm is an Orgasm. I think we can all agree with that one.

Watergate it

And lastly, here’s one for the DC nerds. Nixon’s 1970’s f*ck up with the Watergate scandal, has boomeranged it’s way back into pop culture, social media, and political journalism. Get over it!

“Someone broke my back gate and took my shovel. Scandalous. GateGate?”

Nipplegate, Antennagate, Monicagate, Troopergate, #Weinergate, Puppygate

Watergate is a hotel in Washington DC, this makes no sense used in any other way.