Why Winter in DC is the Worst
Aside from the fact that DC weather is generally a roller-coaster of emotions (“It’s going to be 70 today! I’m wearing sandals!” <insert impending ice threat 4 hours later>), Winter is the most frustrating season to deal with considering the city itself doesn’t know how to deal with it. Potential snowfall in 2 weeks? SHUT IT DOWN. Brief respite of sunny 65 degree weather? OUTDOOR YOGA STARTS WEEKLY NOW, GUYS.
Walking
If you are one of the few that only has a block and half between warmth and work: get out. The rest of us have to reach Bear Grylls survival status in order to make it to the door before our faces freeze completely. It’s always a fun sensation when you have to use strange muscles you didn’t know existed just to be able to talk to someone without sounding like you’ve been drinking for the past 6 hours. The facial-freeze-slur around here is real.
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Traffic
Did you know that when the temperature drops below freezing, DC cars’ basic mechanisms for turn signals and proper steering fail to work? NEITHER DID I BUT APPARENTLY THAT’S THE CASE. To all fellow drivers attempting to navigate the rough terrain of a flat city grid system: it’s really no different than if it were summer, so stop blaming your perpetually shitty driving skills on the cold. (If it’s icy, that’s a different story. But cold? Stop.)
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Metro
So we meet again, Metro. Nothing like waiting for the usual delays on a raised, outdoor platform amidst sub-zero wind gusts. The only thing predictable about Metro now is it’s total lack of predictability. That and the fact that your life could now be in danger because of teenage gangs.
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Pepco
Time to fork over half your rent in order make your place 10 degrees warmer inside than outside. The real question is: where does this money go when it comes time to rebuild lost power due to flurries every month?
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Comcast
It would be nice if you could watch news updates and movies on your snow flurry day, but not according to Comcast! (see above question). Comcast is quickly rising to the top of the list as greatest villain of our time. Just under the Metro.
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Uber surge
So convenient! So handy! So expensive! Have you tried taking an Uber on an extra cold or snowy day? I know a lot of people are looking to avoid dealing with the outdoors, but mother of god are the surge prices ridiculous. They aren’t holiday ridiculous (refer to the outrageous NYE surges for example), but they’ll cost you a pretty penny nonetheless.
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Football is over
This is especially tough after such a great year for the Redskins. Kudos to Cousins for not only proving to everyone how great he can be as a QB, but for also bringing the team further along than anyone in the district (or nation) expected. We like that. And hey! Caps are still playing strong, so not all sports hope is lost. Bonus: when it’s this cold outside, sitting next to an ice rink doesn’t feel so bad.
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Couch Potato Status
Stupid Winter and its stupid temperature drops make it basically impossible to go to the gym. This is definitely 99% of the reason why only 8% of people actually keep their “Get in shape” resolution. It’s really difficult to find the energy and motivation to go outside in the blistering cold when it requires you to get off your cozy, ice-free couch. Especially when you have a Netflix remote on hand. Doubly so if your remote works from under the covers.
You know what, though? It’s JANUARY, team. It’s SUPPOSED TO BE COLD OUTSIDE. So get used to it, because in DC that means Winter is here and it probably won’t be completely gone until April-ish if we’re lucky.
