On Burning Man 2016 And The Evolution Of Festival Culture
Thirty years ago, Burning Man was a festival associated with “radical self-expression” that took place in the shadow of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge and ended with the ritualistic symbolic burning of a large wooden effigy-as-man. In 2016, Burning Man is a destination on Instagram near Reno, Nevada where from August 28-September 5, the likes of Paris Hilton and 70,000 of her friends partied on-board a jet-plane as art installation, Jack U played Billboard pop hits, and yes, they still burned a wooden man. Somewhere in the middle of this insanity there’s a lesson about what happens when underground things become mainstream fads because everyone loves a good, cool party that it seems like nobody else is attending.
Burning Man has existed for 30 years, but it was ultimately the festival’s close alignment with mid-2000s leading indie-to-pop cultural staples of electronic music and festivals as communal experiences that arguably put it over-the-top. Over the past weekend, Burning Man’s attendance reached a 40% surge in the past five years. That’s roughly 70,000% growth in the festival’s 30-year history, so it’s probably as good of a time as any to sit down and consider how movements develop and when it’s time to start doing something new.
Getting angry about Burning Man “not being for the scene” anymore is arguably fruitless. From disco to old-school rap, scenes evolve over time, as people, places and economics “conspire” to open culture up to society-at-large. These evolutions welcome in people who bring their unique human backgrounds into what are ideally supposed to be “shared cultural spaces.” Whenever “sharing” occurs, there’s a balance that must be achieved. Of course, when that balance is between wealth and “free-thinking,” the idea that wealth allows for free-thinking to include so much of what we saw at Burning Man 2016, stories like that of a “fancy camp” founded by the son of a Russian billionaire being ransacked make sense.
There’s been recent discussion of moving the Burning Man Festival out of the Nevada desert because of festival taxes being levied by the state of Nevada. If Burning Man were still all about free-thinking hippies on a beach, that’d be a problem. However, confusing what Burning Man originally was with what it is right now is like comparing a McDonald’s Big Mac to a steak dinner at The Palm. In Burning Man 2016 being far more of the latter and less of the former, the idea of taxing the wealth-positive festival makes sense.
Here’s an intriguing solution. Maybe it’s time for the OG burners to head, as VICE suggested in 2015, to Utah. In June 2016, Burning Man’s organizers purchased the 3,800 square foot Fly Ranch in Washoe County, Nevada in order to build year-round Burning Man-style infrastructure. While for some this may seem like an ideal solution for those looking to get away from the growing crowd in Black Rock City, heading to Utah instead could be a winning plan.
In the 2015 Vice piece, Burning Man’s CEO Marian Goodell notes that the Nevada taxes has made the festival’s organizers “ look longingly towards Utah or any other state that might not have levied that.” However, when Goodell also notes, “[w]e have watched the change in the type of people that come to Burning Man, and we’re not gonna get in front of certain things and force issues. We are gonna nurture the process so we all get the best results. Burning Man is an experiment in temporary community, and we’re the stewards of that process,” is it also a nod to potentially taking things elsewhere? When she continues to note that at 2015’s festival may be the most important sign that times have changed and that the festival’s culture may need to evolve:
“I was one of the people who was awakened at 3 in the morning by the sound of thumping music. My trailer was vibrating! Several of us came out, shocked, and couldn’t understand, even though I’ve been doing this for 19 years. We got in the cart and went out and it was an tart car facing its speakers towards the camp. It was past the man and it woke me!”
Again, in 2016, Burning Man was a destination on Instagram near Reno, Nevada where from August 28-September 5, the likes of Paris Hilton and 70,000 of her friends partied on-board a jet-plane as art installation, and ultimately, given how change occurs and things evolve, that’s okay. In looking to discover how to preserve a Burning Man that’s more about good music, good vibes and hanging out on a beach as a wooden man burns, maybe it’s time to think about Utah, and that’s okay, too.
Kanye West Is Running For President In 2020. Here’s How He Wins.
In August 2015, Kanye West took to the stage at MTV’s Video Music Awards and announced that he was running for President of the United States in 2020. As if wanting to make absolutely sure that we all knew that he wasn’t backing out of his prior announcement, he returned to MTV’s VMA stage on August 28, 2016, and in a manner most “presidential” outlined an anti-urban violence stance as well favorably compared himself to the likes of President Harry S. Truman, automaker Henry Ford, iconic entrepreneur Howard Hughes, entertainment titan Walt Disney, and pioneering Apple tech visionary Steve Jobs. In considering how and why he could win in 2020, that’s where things begin to get interesting.
Yes, the Republican nominee for President stated that, if elected, he would force Mexico to build a wall to contain its potential immigrants. However, Kanye West once said that George W. Bush didn’t like black people. We’re in a political environment where sound bites oftentimes carry more weight than full speeches. In this being the case, Donald Trump’s grassroots appeal being based on enraging/engaging snippets of thoughts could be mirrored by a potential West campaign.
2016’s Presidential campaign has involved Donald Trump making numerous statements about Hillary Clinton’s desire to stay with Bill Clinton after the infamous Monica Lewinsky scandal. By comparison to Kanye’s wife Kim Kardashian being filmed in a globally-distributed sex tape with one-time pop-star Ray J, the Clinton’s failings pale in comparison. While yes, setting up a slippery slope of sex and drama isn’t exactly what we should want to achieve in a presidential election cycle, if Kanye runs in 2020 — especially as a Democrat in the primaries against Hillary — it’s bound to occur.
The easiest way for Kanye West to avoid many of the potential public relations pitfalls of a Yeezus for President campaign will exist in his ability to use his pop-star swagger to overcome public angst. Ever since we elected movie star Ronald Reagan as president in 1980 and Bill Clinton became a late-night and MTV celebrity in 1992, there’s a certain level of superstar cool associated with the American presidency that’s maybe more important than public policy stances. In many ways, arguable public policy know-nothing Donald Trump’s successful obtaining of the Republican nomination can almost entirely be directly related to the 35 years that he’s spent as an global media icon alone. However, we’ve never seen arguably one of the top five most entertaining hip-hop artists of all time running for president. The idea that a superstar is vying for a superstar’s job could literally be more than enough to put him over-the-top.
And let’s also seriously break down the idea that Kanye could release his entire platform as a mixtape, and that mixtape would be FIRE. In a realm of things that could legitimately occur in the world, imagine Kanye’s Watch The White House mixtape being hosted by Barack Obama. Tracks could feature everyone from Beyonce and Rihanna to Jay Z and Nas, Chance the Rapper and Jaden Smith, Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose, Jack U and Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, and the Foo Fighters and Guns N Roses. U2 once released an album on iTunes that magically appeared in everyone’s collections free-of-charge. Zero campaign laws would be violated if private company Apple Music publicly supported Kanye’s presidential aspirations with a similar move. Between blog traffic, think-pieces, potential Billboard chart-topping hits, videos and live performances, that’s an unprecedented media assault that could disrupt traditional campaigning forever.
Debates would be LIT AF, too. When not potentially nervous and speaking without a script onstage at the Video Music Awards, Kanye West is the son of a college professor and well-acquainted with doing compelling oration in front of thousands-to-millions of people. If Kanye’s coached for debates in a manner similar to any other presidential nominee, it’s easy to imagine that he’d actually not just make points, but be really entertaining at doing so, too.
Kanye’s running in 2020. Intriguingly enough, he could easily win.
Electric Zoo Festival Review
If it weren’t for the rain-soaked day three, the recently passed Electric Zoo Festival would be best-remembered for being a series of moments that gave the average American EDM fanatic hope for the future. As well, if a long-time fan of dance, Electric Zoo would have also provided hope for remembering classic standards in the face of dance’s attempt at a more rap and pop-style evolution.
Day One was headlined by veteran French pop electro kingpin David Guetta, as well as Greek/Belgian electro duo Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike. Guetta’s set was exhilarating as expected for more recent fans of EDM who over the past six years have seen Guetta collaborate with producers like Avicii and Afrojack, as well as with artists including Sia, Kid Cudi, Akon and more. However, if you like your techno dark, present as well were the legendary Dubfire in the mirror and stained glass decorated circus-tent that was the Sunday School Grove, and quite possibly Day One’s best set from Parisian (and Kanye West’s “Black Skinhead” and “Send It Up” producer) powerhouse Gesaffelstein. While the former’s set pleased those who have been familiar with the Detroit-to-global sound since it’s early 90s beginnings, the latter’s set introduced a whole new generation to the style, the Frenchman’s set leaned heavy on New Wave and acid house too, giving off a far darker vibe.
Saturday’s second day was a story of heightened expectations being delivered upon throughout the day, as from Benny Benassi, to Zedd to Armin Van Buuren on Main Stage West and Clockwork, Nervo, Laidback Luke and Knife Party on Main Stage East, the expectations were high for all sets, and successfully met. LA’s Clockwork’s Dutch house style drums on his electro bangers mixed with the pop-star energy of Nervo, top-tier selection skills of Laidback Luke and Knife Party’s manic, pulse pounding hits (including new album material) to shut things down near the festival’s entrance. On Main Stage West, Benny Benassi continued his ability to be relevant with the times, as the “Electroman” tossing elements of dubstep, razor-sharp electro and big-room type vocal tracks into the mix was well-received. But the hook-driven pop production of Zedd – showcased with an incredible lazer, fire and fireworks show – was certainly impressive, as between “Stay The Night,” “Clarity” and current Ariana Grande hit “Break Free,” he excelled. And of course, Armin van Buuren made a chanting, singing, flag-waving and totally into every moment of his set crowd euphoric with everything from current pop hit “This Is What It Feels Like,” to more classic material including his edit of “Adagio For Strings.”
Day Two was also a day where in the Sunday School Grove, legendary radio broadcaster Pete Tong, along with Josh Wink and New York City-based DJ legend Danny Tenaglia literally shut the tent down for six straight hours pulling in such an impressive crowd that security had to create restricted entrance and a party broke out just outside of the tent, too. For as much as Electric Zoo was about main stages and massive tents housing sets – like, say, MAKJ’s gargantuan, mid-afternoon Saturday, hands in the air and open-format super party or Brillz’s Hilltop Arena/Carnage’s Main Stage West all out trap assaults that left the crowd turnt up, sweaty and completely spent – it was about the idea that deeper, more intense and far more danceable music was just as entertaining and important to those in attendance.
Before the 60 MPH winds and torrential downpours came and blew away Day Three, OWSLA-related DJ/producers Henry Fong and Alvin Risk played bass-heavy sets on Main Stage West that included DC-related anthems like Gent and Jawns’ trap banger “Turn Up” and Risk’s own classic moombahton collaboration with Tittsworth, “Pendejas.”
Though eventually cancelled, Electric Zoo did successfully showcase both the diversity and popularity of so many genres in American EDM at present. Of course, between the black-outfitted techno heads checking out Gesaffelstein to the kandi and bandana-wearing kids loving producers like Kill the Noise, there’s a world of difference. Missing out on sets by the likes of Skrillex and Diplo’s Jack U combination, Kaskade, Mat Zo and Bingo Players that could’ve bridged those gaps on the third day would have made the festival truly ideal. However, as it stood, it was two days well spent that showcased how far dance music and culture in America have come, and the promise of where the culture is headed, too.
Virginia bans Uber and Lyft – how does this affect DC nightlife?
As technology approaches seeming to move at a pace faster than the rotation of the Earth, hiccups occur along the way that have potentially seismic consequences. If a DC club-goer and nightlife fanatic in the DMV, the recent banning of Uber and Lyft in the state of Virginia is one of these unintended consequences of technology moving faster than the laws can change. Sadly, this issue ultimately may affect how hard you party and how much you go out, with the hurt potentially extending to the income of the very clubs that we enjoy in the DC Metropolitan area. If the state of Virginia cannot solve its issues with the developing ride-sharing economy, the impact on nightlife culture, though not immediate, will be significant.
The issue for Uber and Lyft is an issue that ride-sharing faces nationwide. Taxi and limousine services are heavily regulated and feature a series of licenses and insurance regulations that Uber and Lyft do not require. Thus, while Uber and Lyft succeed alongside taxis and limousines because they can serve all communities in an efficient, clean and comfortable peer-to-peer manner, they have also in theory been operation unlawfully since starting operation.
As a partygoer, imagine it like this. Say, as a DMV area partier, your favorite style of dance music is drum and bass, and while you like trap and electro, you want more drum and bass in the mix. Since traditional and well-regulated DC nightlife locales aren’t playing what you want to hear, you instead find a very unregulated warehouse rave that plays what you want, how you want it, and oftentimes exactly when you want to hear it, too. Let’s say that said warehouse gets very popular, and government regulators become aware of a) illegal partying, and b) a loss of potential revenue from licensing fees for the space. This is exactly what is happening with Uber and Lyft’s issue with the Virginia state government.
A statement issued by Lyft to In the Capital regarding the issue said the following: “many of the current regulations surrounding taxis and limos were created before anything like Lyft’s peer-to-peer model was ever imagined, we’re committed to continuing to work with state officials to craft new rules for this new industry. We truly believe that if we approach situations like this positively and collaboratively, we can work together with local leaders to greatly improve transportation access, safety and affordability.”
Of course, in a manner similar to our theoretical DC partying situation, Virginia’s Department of Motor Vehicles commissioner Philip Holcomb replied by saying, “I urge the citizens of Virginia to protect their families by using only companies that appear on DMV’s website as licensed transportation services. If it’s not on the list, it’s not recommended.”
The idea of potentially under or un-insured Uber or Lyft operators being involved in automobile accidents or other criminal incidents while transporting passengers is akin to going to said underground nightclub and being exposed to any great number of illicit activities or structural issues in the space. If the underground venue is not insured or licensed, the partygoer has no means by which to ensure that their legal recourse will be handled in a smooth and efficient manner. Thus, it’s not as if the state of Virginia is telling taxi service users to not use Lyft or Uber because they’re bad, they would prefer that people stick to better regulated means of transportation in the DC area.
Any regular DC nightlife fanatic that lives in Arlington County (or anywhere in Virginia for that matter) could tell countless horror stories about attempting to get back home from popular DC-area clubs like Northeast DC’s Echostage. DC-based cab drivers are fare-driven operators, and while one trip across the Potomac River can be a prosperous trip, it’s arguably much easier to pick up three separated fares (that could easily be worth more) in the same time it takes to cross the river and return to the city. Uber and Lyft’s peer-to-peer model almost assuring a driver service (more likely than not to suburban destnations) allows for a balance to occur in taxi services that actually benefits the existing cab companies who are oftentimes unwilling to transport someone to a relatively far-flung locale at a late – yet potentially high income – hour.
“Uber has been providing Virginians with safe, affordable and reliable transportation options, so the DMV’s actions today are shocking and unexpected,” Uber posted in a statement. However shocking these actions may be, the shock they may cause to DC”s developing nightlife economy may be more significant. If Uber and Lyft are taken offline in Virginia and an agreement is achieved that allows for a breadth and depth of taxi options in the DC Metropolitan area, then it’s likely the most worthwhile option. Just like as in dance music and potential DC partying options, when the underground and mainstream can unite, everyone benefits in the end.
Hey Mr. DJ, What’s Your DJ Relationship Status
Rock stars have their groupies and today’s mega DJs are not immune to the wave of girls and boys trying to get in the pants of their favorite musical artists. To play the groupie game correctly, you better go in with some good insight in their personal lives. Is your favorite DJ married, engaged, or flying solo?
You better find out before you get a stiletto up your butt from the real women in these DJ’s lives. Check out their relationship status here then proceed with your infatuation, you sickos!
Tiësto
For those of you who want to “Just Be” with Tiësto, now’s your chance. Until early 2006, Tiësto was in a relationship with Dutch model Monique Spronk, two years later, a Dutch newspaper announced that Tiësto and his girlfriend Stacey Blokzijl were going to get married on October 10, 2008 in Cartagena, Colombia. He proposed to her in December 2007 while they were visiting Mauritius. But then, Tiësto cancelled his wedding because he claimed to have a busy schedule and too little time for the preparations, which led to Blokzijl breaking off the engagement.
Tiësto is now an ordained minister, so that we can marry a winning couple in the city most infamous for extraordinary weddings, Las Vegas! You can also catch Tiesto LIVE at the Thank You Festival June 26, 2014 at Merriweather Post Pavillion.
Steve Aoki
The champagne spraying, crowd surfing DJ has been engaged to Australian model Tiernan Cowling since 2010. Currently the electro house musician, Grammy nominated record producer and the founder of Dim Mak Records is still engaged.
You can check her out in action here, in a really weird video and Steve Aoki LIVE at Echostage June 21, 2014 in DC.
Armin
On 18 September 2009, Van Buuren married Erika van Thiel, with whom he had been together for nine years. Their daughter Fenna was born in July 2011, and their son Remy in July 2013. Wonder who the DJ was at the wedding. Sorry ladies this one’s off the market.
Need more proof, watch the wedding tape:
Calvin Harris
According to Forbes, Harris was the highest paid DJ of 2013, grossing an estimated $46 million- WOW! Plus, it looks like he’s just as lucky in love, as the affection between Calvin Harris and Rita Ora runs deep!
In an issue of Elle UK, the beautiful blonde Brit is confessed that her current and only love made her feel something she’s never experienced before, love….awe…
But will it last? Apparently she doesn’t like his music.
Deamau5
In September 2012, Deadmau5 (Zimmerman) began dating Kat Von D. On December 15, 2012, Zimmerman proposed to Von D via Twitter, and they announced that they would marry in August 2013 with an aquatic-themed wedding. They both have several matching tattoos, including the numbers “289m3d22h” on both of their arms, which is sentimental to the day that they met, as well as two black stars underneath their eyes. Zimmerman moved to Los Angeles to live with Von D. In June 2013, Von D announced that they had ended their engagement.
Kat n Mouse…
Avicci
Looks like Avicci (Tim Goldberg) actually dated one of DC’s finest, a GWU graduate back in 2012. But these days, the 24-year-old has switched from team blonde to team brunette with his main squeeze, Raquel Battencort. He reportedly bought a 14 million dollar house in LA because Raquel “had to live here”. The home is even called ‘Casa Bettencourt’.
David Guetta
Catherine Lobé, better known as Cathy Guetta, is a French former discotheque manager, events organizer and socialite. She and mega the DJ have worked on music projects during their marriage and have two children, Angie Guetta, and Tim Elvis Eric Guetta. Though recent reports say the couple divorced in March 2014. News of the split comes just a few short years after the couple renewed their vows in August 2012 in Ibiza.
Afrojack
Afrojack has a daughter Vegas (2012) with his ex-girlfriend Amanda Balk. In April 2014 he was linked to Anouk, a Dutch singer-songwriter and producer, who’s currently pregnant with her fifth child.Is it Afrojacks? Don’t forget the DJ also dated miss Paris Hilton back in 2011.
Laidback Luke
After a first marriage, he announced on the maiden voyage of Holy Ship! that he was engaged to Gina Turner and they married on October 1, 2012 at The View, Piermont, New York. Turner is also a DJ and one half of Nouveau Yorican, a musical side project with her husband Laidback Luke, and half of the DJ duo Staccato. She is also the head of Turn It Records. Talk about a match made in musical heaven!
Kaskade
Kaskade met his wife and fellow snowboarder, Naomi at the University of Utah. Apparently Naomi was hestitant about her husband Ryan Raddon using the name Kaskade as it could remind people of dish detergent. Throughout the years of his success, Ryan and Naomi have maintained their relationship. Currently, they are married and together have three daughters.
Ferry Corsten
The Dutch DJ has been married to Lia Colayco since 2010. He talked about Donate And Dance, an evening with popularly known DJ’s to raise money for the victims in the Philippines.
You can see her in action in this video clip from a Dutch daily talk show. You won’t have any clue what they are saying, but it’s still an action shot.
Grammy Awards Party: 1.24.14 at Barcode
Grammy Awards Party
Barcode – 1101 17th Street NW
This is a Red Carpet Event.
Arrive early for a chance to win prizes from Grammy nominated artists.
Complimentary Champagne and Strawberries until Midnight.
Free admission
For Bottle Service & More Information: 202.271.1171
Ages 21+ | 10pm-3am
Dress: Keep it fresh, crisp and clean. No shorts, sandals or baggy anything. Looking ‘put together’ is everything.
Music: DJ Saam (Top 40, Dance, Mashups)
Location:
Barcode is located at 1101 17th Street NW.
Venue:
Young Professionals have found a home onFridays in DC at the clean, comfortableBarcöde.
Barcode is what you make it. A low key evening on the patio, a wild one on the dance floor or a night of drinking with the boys.
2013 Year in Review
2013 Year in Review
Today we mark the last day of 2013 and the beginning of everyone repeating that 2014 will be “their year.” Since I know you are currently avoiding getting ready for the night (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this very line in parentheses), read my review of the year and reflect on how indubitably awkward things really became these past twelve months.
In no particular order let us recap the year MMXIII.
The Ravens won the Super Bowl:
The Baltimore Ravens somehow managed to win the Super Bowl, and Ray Lewis cried a lot. Just don’t mention that botched pass interference call, because the Baltimore fans will never admit that they basically got away with murder…
Justin Bieber took a well-needed break with two prostitutes lady friends:
The self-proclaimed “real n*gga” (he is white, by the way) decided his life of public vandalism, smoking weed, and banging hookers was too much to handle, so he handled it by banging two more hookers in Brazil. The douchebag really needs to just retire.
Justin Bieber retired:
Proof there is a God.
Miley Cyrus is a wrecking ball of awesome:
Twerking, getting naked, and singing with a cat launched Miley Cyrus into all of our hearts this year. Whether you love her or hate her doesn’t really matter since she finally showed her machines of war.
Drake proved that he is most definitely the softest in the game:
Drizzy somehow made himself even softer than he already was this year. You can’t really start from the bottom if you were born into a rather affluent half Jewish family in Canada of all places. I would tell Drake to kill himself, but he is probably reading this right now and writing me a letter explaining how I hurt his feelings.
Pope Francis proved why he should be the Pope:
I’m not religious, but Pope Francis definitely proved why he was a good choice for the new Pope throughout 2013. Check out some of the good deeds he did this year here.
The Boston Marathon bombing:
In a tragic turn of events, there was a bombing during the Boston Marathon on April 15th. You can help out with relief efforts at here or here.
Selfies became an art form that needs to die:
…but it won’t.
Duck Dynasty “shocked” everyone with homophobic comments:
Really guys? You are surprised that this guy made homophobic comments?
The next thing you’ll tell me is that the whole show is really a ploy and that the family really is not what you think it is…
Yes. This is before their beards.
Detroit filed for bankruptcy:
Here is Detroit before filing for bankruptcy.
And here is Detroit after filing for bankruptcy.
Kate Upton happened:
…and it was awesome. 
A frog went to space:
Paula Dean said the “N” word:
Manti T’eo duped us all with an imaginary girlfriend:
Prince William had a half-blood prince:
Voldemort now on high alert.
Typhoon Haiyan devastated the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia:
Over 5000 fatalities are confirmed. You can help here and here
ObamaCare aka the Affordable Care Act was launched:
Which lead to…
The Government shut down for 16 days:
The Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford smoked crack and yolo’d all year:
…and nothing was done about it.
Americans proved that Black Friday is the real life Hunger Games:
Ten people died shopping during Black Friday this year, proving that Americans will, in fact, do anything for a Klondike bar.
Anthony Weiner was caught sexting. Again:
Insert convenient last name joke here.
The Harlem Shake became a fad:
And it ended as quickly as it started, but not before the masses could take their stab at it.
Paul Walker tragically passed away in a car crash:
You can help his charity Reach Out Worldwide here.
Kanye proved that he is the Yeesus of narcissism:
Parading around stage as Jesus. Claiming to be a God. Writing songs about gold diggers, but then getting one pregnant. Kanye was still as douchey as ever all year.
Ed Snowden exposed the United States and claimed his title of master troll:
He is now the only white guy in Asia that cannot be found.
The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad proved that we love our zombies and drugs:
Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen. Nothing happened. Okay. I will give it one more episode and if nothing happens then I am done with this show. Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen…
George Zimmerman was found innocent in the Treyvon Martin case:
Nope. I’m not touching this one.
These tweets happened:
And Grumpy Cat:
So here is to the end of quite an interesting year, and the beginning of another. Stay safe tonight. Stay awesome.
———————
Follow me on Twitter: @BenLekEchostage
Prostitutes are Beliebers
Justin Bieber yolo’d his way into the headlines yet again this past weekend in Brazil. When the wonder boy is not busy churning out hits from his bong heart, he is hard at work stealing the heart of a Brazilian prostitute. What is that? I made a mistake? It was two prostitutes? I apologize and stand corrected.
El Biebs was caught sneaking out of the popular brothel Centauros with two females this past Friday in Rio de Janeiro. While it is not confirmed that the two females were prostitutes, it is general logic that when a person leaves a whorehouse with two people that he did not enter with, they may, in fact, be prostitutes. In addition to this Bieber left with a blanket draped over him that had the sex den’s logo on it, leaving us to believe that “being discreet about things” is not high on the pop star’s priority list.
Later in the morning he was kicked out of the hotel for breaking their rules. His management claims that the artist left due to hordes of fans ambushing the hotel. I am claiming that he and Miley Cyrus are on a tight timeframe to see who can officially lay claim to the title “Ratchet Jesus.”
Earlier Bieber had showed up an hour and a half late to his show, and three hours late to a meet and greet that fans had paid over $1000 each in order to attend. It was reported that Bieber stormed off stage during his performance earlier after getting hit by a water bottle all whilst kicking the Brazilian flags that were left on stage from fans.
This of course comes after reports that Bieber had allegedly paid a hooker in Panama City at a club $500 to have sex and smoke weed in his hotel room the week before.
Apart from all of this, there are many positive highlights that allow Justin Bieber to shine. The most notable of these events can be found below in no particular order:
-Getting out of various speeding tickets (caught on camera with no cars following him) by telling police officers that he was “evading paparazzi:” We cannot imagine how hard it must be having to deal with imaginary photographers chasing you in imaginary photographer rocket cars that turn invisible upon spotting cop cars.
-Spitting on fans: Can these fans really be mad? They have been waiting to swap spit with Sir Bieber for years, and he was caring enough to oblige to their demands (and prostitutes).
-Punching EDM DJ Michael Woods’ tour manager in the face after the EDM DJ refused to play hip hop: Can you blame him? What is worse than going to an EDM DJ’s EDM set and only hearing EDM music being played? The DJ told the shirtless Bieber to “f*ck off and put a shirt on.” Clubs can get hot, and Michael Woods should know that. Sometimes the only viable option to cool down is rip your shirt off and demand some Drake. If I do not hear at least one variation of “Starships” by Nicki Minaj during a night out I usually chalk it up as a wasted night.
-After punching Michael Woods’ tour manager, Bieber ran behind his security screaming “recognize when you see a real n*gga:” Have you ever seen or met an EDM DJ? They are the most frightening human beings on planet earth behind hipsters and Snooki. In Beiber’s defense, Michael Woods was totally not being PLUR by not playing hip hop and being unable to recognize that Bieber is a “real n*gga.” Stay black. Stay proud Justin.
-Peeing in a restaurant’s mop bucket: I cannot lie and for once I am not being sarcastic. I respect this power move. Well done.
Of course I could continue on in the glorious YOLO swag life of the mighty Bieber, but it would detract from the real point of this article.
We want to salute the audience member that managed to hit Justin Bieber with a bottle of water. With one swift throw and pinpoint accuracy that would rival Tony Romo to opposing defensive backs, you managed to hit the bane of everyone’s existence and subsequently send him to the loving arms of two Brazilian prostitutes. In the end, that is what the kid needs. Some tender love and care. And an STD test.
Canada: America’s hat.
—-
Follow me on Twitter @BenLekDC
Hot Track – Free Download: Shwayze Feat. The Cataracs & Dev – Love Letter
“Love Letter” was originally released by Shwayze in August 2010 in a different form, but something was simply missing. Shwayze teamed up with The Cataracs and Dev to create a warm feel with catchy vocals and an instrumental track that will keep you coming back for more.
With a warm sound and carefree vocals this is the perfect song to kick back and relax to, a true-to-form summer jam.
Check out this new track! It is available for play and download below. Look for more by Shwayze when the rest of the “Love Letter” EP drops in July.
Kingston in Critical Condition After Jet Ski Accident
21 year-old pop star Sean Kingston was involved in a jet ski accident in the early evening on Saturday May 29 in Miami.
With very little information available to the public, here is what we know for sure.
- Alcohol is NOT believed to be a factor in the accident
- Kingston was with an unidentified female passenger
- The accident occurred around 6pm
- Kingston crashed into a bridge connecting Palm Island and the MacArthur Causeway in Miami, FL
- Sean and his companion were rescued by a good Samaritan and transported by Miami FD to Jackson Memorial Hospital
- He was initially listed in critical condition
A statement from Sean Kingston’s representatives stated that “Sean Kingston was in a accident today. No further details are available at the moment. He and his family thank everyone for the well wishes.”
As Summer approaches, we caution fans of DC nightlife and everyone in the area to exercise caution when out on the water. Here are some safety tips from jetski.com for those of you who plan on jet skiing this season.
Miami-born, raised in Jamaica, the grandson of a Reggae great, Sean spent parts of his youth in prison (age 11 for breaking and entering) and living in a car (while his mother served time for identity fraud). Through the struggle the young star was able to shine through and show the world his unbelievable talent. Making waves with his 2007 hit ‘Beautiful Girls’, Kingston went on to drop ‘Me Love,’ ‘Fire Burning,’ and ‘Face Drop,’ co-write fellow Miami singer Jason Derulo’s ‘Watcha Say,’ and discover Iyaz.
He has upcoming releases with DJ Khaled, Bow Wow, T-Pain, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, Akon and Dr. Dre. He recently released ‘Eenie Meanie’ with Justin Bieber, who has been very vocal about his support to #prayforseankingston as has fellow Caribbean pop collaborator Nicki Minaj.
Kingston and Bieber have a mixtape slated for release this year.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Sean Kingston’s family and hope he makes a full and speedy recovery.
