2013 Year in Review
2013 Year in Review
Today we mark the last day of 2013 and the beginning of everyone repeating that 2014 will be “their year.” Since I know you are currently avoiding getting ready for the night (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this very line in parentheses), read my review of the year and reflect on how indubitably awkward things really became these past twelve months.
In no particular order let us recap the year MMXIII.
The Ravens won the Super Bowl:
The Baltimore Ravens somehow managed to win the Super Bowl, and Ray Lewis cried a lot. Just don’t mention that botched pass interference call, because the Baltimore fans will never admit that they basically got away with murder…
Justin Bieber took a well-needed break with two prostitutes lady friends:
The self-proclaimed “real n*gga” (he is white, by the way) decided his life of public vandalism, smoking weed, and banging hookers was too much to handle, so he handled it by banging two more hookers in Brazil. The douchebag really needs to just retire.
Justin Bieber retired:
Proof there is a God.
Miley Cyrus is a wrecking ball of awesome:
Twerking, getting naked, and singing with a cat launched Miley Cyrus into all of our hearts this year. Whether you love her or hate her doesn’t really matter since she finally showed her machines of war.
Drake proved that he is most definitely the softest in the game:
Drizzy somehow made himself even softer than he already was this year. You can’t really start from the bottom if you were born into a rather affluent half Jewish family in Canada of all places. I would tell Drake to kill himself, but he is probably reading this right now and writing me a letter explaining how I hurt his feelings.
Pope Francis proved why he should be the Pope:
I’m not religious, but Pope Francis definitely proved why he was a good choice for the new Pope throughout 2013. Check out some of the good deeds he did this year here.
The Boston Marathon bombing:
In a tragic turn of events, there was a bombing during the Boston Marathon on April 15th. You can help out with relief efforts at here or here.
Selfies became an art form that needs to die:
…but it won’t.
Duck Dynasty “shocked” everyone with homophobic comments:
Really guys? You are surprised that this guy made homophobic comments?
The next thing you’ll tell me is that the whole show is really a ploy and that the family really is not what you think it is…
Yes. This is before their beards.
Detroit filed for bankruptcy:
Here is Detroit before filing for bankruptcy.
And here is Detroit after filing for bankruptcy.
Kate Upton happened:
…and it was awesome. 
A frog went to space:
Paula Dean said the “N” word:
Manti T’eo duped us all with an imaginary girlfriend:
Prince William had a half-blood prince:
Voldemort now on high alert.
Typhoon Haiyan devastated the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia:
Over 5000 fatalities are confirmed. You can help here and here
ObamaCare aka the Affordable Care Act was launched:
Which lead to…
The Government shut down for 16 days:
The Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford smoked crack and yolo’d all year:
…and nothing was done about it.
Americans proved that Black Friday is the real life Hunger Games:
Ten people died shopping during Black Friday this year, proving that Americans will, in fact, do anything for a Klondike bar.
Anthony Weiner was caught sexting. Again:
Insert convenient last name joke here.
The Harlem Shake became a fad:
And it ended as quickly as it started, but not before the masses could take their stab at it.
Paul Walker tragically passed away in a car crash:
You can help his charity Reach Out Worldwide here.
Kanye proved that he is the Yeesus of narcissism:
Parading around stage as Jesus. Claiming to be a God. Writing songs about gold diggers, but then getting one pregnant. Kanye was still as douchey as ever all year.
Ed Snowden exposed the United States and claimed his title of master troll:
He is now the only white guy in Asia that cannot be found.
The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad proved that we love our zombies and drugs:
Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen. Nothing happened. Okay. I will give it one more episode and if nothing happens then I am done with this show. Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen…
George Zimmerman was found innocent in the Treyvon Martin case:
Nope. I’m not touching this one.
These tweets happened:
And Grumpy Cat:
So here is to the end of quite an interesting year, and the beginning of another. Stay safe tonight. Stay awesome.
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Follow me on Twitter: @BenLekEchostage
The ‘New’ New Year’s Resolution- Your New Year’s Resolutions Made Easy
I’m gonna get skinny! I’m gonna stop smoking! I’m gonna stop drinking! I’m gonna stop doing drugs in a dark alley! I’m gonna stop wearing women’s underwear! I’m gonna stop murdering my boyfriends and throwing them off the Key Bridge!
Ok ok maybe we took it to the extreme there. But, every New Year has a way of creeping up on us bringing with it the inevitable question – what’s your New Year’s resolution?
Sure everyone’s got a little blubber somewhere- even you, you roided out chicken breast, protein shake, and egg white meathead. Let me get in there and have a good squeezing and find your weak spot. Yeah I see you in the club; I don’t think vodka is part of the regime, but who are we to judge?
As you may scramble to come up with an appropriate answer that you can lie to others and yourself about, why not make this year’s resolution to NOT make a resolution, or at least not a typical one, and use our help as your guide. Like a metaphorical north star guiding you into 2014.
We’re just saying instead of the old tired out resolution, you know will maybe last until Super bowl weekend, make this year’s promise the special kind that you should have no trouble keeping. When your friends and family choke on their champagne as you proudly pronounce your ‘new’ New Year’s resolution, you can just site this highly reputable source from Panorama Productions your genius self found on the Internet, because, you know if it’s on the Internet, it’s true.
And just remember, there’s an 80% failure rate on resolutions, and four out of five people who make New Year’s resolutions will break them. In fact, only one-third won’t even make it to the end of January. But, since we are supplying you with some fail-safe new promises, we expect that failure rate to flip flop into a 20% failure rate.
Pressure is on!
And for those of you overachievers, feel free to pick several on this list, extra credit will come, and we know how you nerds love your extra credit!
1. Ban Justin Bieber!
Is this f*ck-tard still breathing? Ugh, ‘Merry Christmas’- bah humbug! We will not plug the name of the second installment that camp Bieber shat on the world this holiday season (coming to a theater near…everyone), but enough is enough! How is he still around? Just like Miley and before her Brit Brit, went mentally insane and starting acting like whores; J Biebs is the male form. How are moms and pops allowing this wigger to get their teenage girls all pre hormonal? I think there are better role models in Death Metal these days. And, remember you too can smell like a teenage whore with the JB perfume line, which is marketed as the scent of ‘Justin Bieber’s girlfriends’ – dirty philanderer, girlfriends? So, let’s all unite before he kills someone with his reckless driving, excessive pot smoking, and MOSTLY his AWFUL music.
2. Succumb Totally to EDM
Hip-hop, just…. give up already. It’s not working for you or anyone else. EDM has taken over every club and festival, and even broken into major awards shows- see- ’10 Reasons Why Hip-Hop is Dead’.
Cha-ching! EDM brings happy, glow stick toting, free spirit wheeling masses out of every corner of the World. It’s like the hippy movement of the 60s and 70s all over again except this time girls shave their armpits and wear bras, some of them anyway. But, in a time of recession and war and typical BS, who wants to listen to anything that will bring you down? Get with it, before a hoard of ravers plow you over as they run through the gates of the Electric Daisy Festival.
3. Go Anorexic- It’s All the Rage!
Now here’s one that will make them shut up! Haven’t we all heard enough of likely the most popular New Year’s resolution that ever was? ‘I want to lose weight.’ Great you fat slob American, tell us something we can’t already assess with our own eyes. So, as to not blow people’s mind entirely, tell them you want to be anorexic. What? Your life’s dream is to forever suppress food and dip under 100 pounds this year. This will keep your nosey no good family and friends from ever commenting about your saddlebags or muffin top ever again. And you know, you can always drop a few dancing with your friends at Echostage or Ultrabar. Or having sex, we hear that works too.
But let’s not forget the ultra skinny. Tired of hearing the opposite? ‘Someone needs to feed you a burger’! B*tch! Tell them your New Years resolution is to gain enough weight to qualify for gastric bypass just like Al Roker, or get a reality television spot on ‘The Biggest Loser’. That outta do it!
4. Stop Stealing Art
With all the free ways to get music and movies these days, we are not saying to stop. But if you want to music and entertainment to live long and prosper, it won’t kill you to buy one track online or one movie. File sharing is really not too far off ‘making a mix tape’ for your friends back in the day, you know before you may have been born, the early 90s…
So, let’s all hold hands in solidarity and at least attempt to support our favorite artists. Of course that can also be done by attending our killer Club Glow fall line up at Echostage and Ultrabar, just saying…
5. Drink More Liquids
Eight glasses a day so they say! Sure well, eight glasses of water in the gullet should be enough of a barrier for those eight drinks you’ll be plowing through on New Year’s Eve. That’s all about that, you know how to count.
6. Get Down with Selfies
Nothing like an obnoxious ‘selfie’ to ring in the New Year! To bump it up a notch be sure to over post it on all that social media has to offer, you know- Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, even Google Plus (do people really use this?), hell throw it up on Linked and forever cement the fact that nobody will ever hire you for a ‘real job’! Don’t forget the #’s.
7. Go Back to School to Avoid Paying Student Loans
Clever clever! Nothing sucks more than defaulting on a loan. Well maybe some things, like a head on collision, no you can likely collect some good insurance or medical leave on that one. Well, like, catching your boyfriend with your mom? But you didn’t really like him anyway. After all, he listened to hip-hop and nothing is worse than being stuck in traffic with someone who listens to that garbage. Well let’s just say it’s bad, so here’s a great tool the master of procrastination. It often gets a bad rap. Get the parents to sign off on your newfound quest for an even higher education and get going with grad school. If nothing else it’ll give you time to look for a job while you fail out and can at least afford your old student loans that crept up on you like a shark in a tank of blood. Yeah real subtle Sally Mae.
8. Don’t Let Facebook Melt Your Brain
If the first thing you do when you turn on your computer is check Facebook, or the ONLY thing you turn your computer on for is Facebook, or even social media all together, then, get your sh*t together. First off, if you have a real job, your boss is probably checking up on your computer activity and that’s means you’ll probably be unemployed. That’s not a good way to start off the New Year. Enjoy your little friend, maybe he’s the only friend you have, but branch out. There’s more to a computer than sitting on Facebook and playing Farmville.
9. Stop Watching American Idol
It’s not American Idol. No it’s American Idol, The Voice, the X-Factor, and The Sing-Off, ughhhh it’s all the same. What ever happened to real musicians and artists? What happened to a bunch of smelly kids gathering in their parent’s garage and banging out some, key word- ORGINAL material? All is going to be lost if all we keep getting is covers of the same old garbage. It’s sad to think a whole generation will think that’s the only way to become a musician, by these over hyped, fake talent contests. I blame Ed McMahon and Star Search from the 80s…maybe that was his way of giving back the horrible trend he started with television talent shows in starting the Publisher’s Clearing House. I’m still awaiting my gaggle of balloons and oversized check.
10. Lose the Cell Phone
NOTHING is more annoying than going out and being virtually ignored by your posse using their phones and giving up on human interaction all together. Watch this video- ‘I Forgot My Phone’.
We get it, the wave of the future, social media; hell we encourage it, but when you are out with your actual human friends, in person, like face to face, PAY ATTENTION TO THEM!!!. Put your damn phone in your purse or your pocket and pay attention to the actual real world that still exists all around you. No candy crush or tweet or Facebook connection will be as good as your pals. Unless of course they are A-holes, but then you shouldn’t be with them anyway and you’d better go find some new 3D friends to play with.
It’s The Day Before!!! Last Minute Gifts for Music Lovers
It’s literally the day before Christmas and you’ve waited until the last minute (as usual) to get gifts. Black Friday, Cyber Monday and that amazing overnight shipping option are gone. Here’s are some last minute gifts and stocking stuffers for the music lover in your life.
- Best Buy (open 12/24 7a – 6p)
store locater - Guitar Center (open 12/24 9a – 6p)
store locater for wherever you may be
At Best Buy:
Amazon Kindle Fire 8GB – $149.99
Over 20 million movies, TV shows, songs, magazines and books. Not only can your loved ones listen to their favorite tunes, they can also finally see what all the hype is about Echostage when you snatch the fire from their hands and load the latest Glow after movie 🙂
Arion 2.1 Home Theater System – $99.98
As much as most people like to claim audio junky status, most don’t even know the lowest frequency audible to the human ear (it’s about 20Hz – use that fun fact to shut even the snobbiest of music snobs up). A simple 2.1 speaker system w/ sub-woofer is enough or any apartment or bedroom. Once you get to Best Buy you can find other options as well (and actually listen to the stuff in person!)
Beats by Dre. urBEATS Earbuds – $99
Some people love ’em, some people troll ’em. But let’s be honest – the hype is there for a reason.
Skullcandy Smokin’ Buds – $29.99
In addition to a microphone and the ability to take calls with the click of a button on the wire – these earbuds are actually perfectly fine for most music-lovers. And they’re $70 cheaper than the Beats. So if you’re loved one isn’t too much of a snob, these will be perfectly fine and sound great.
At Guitar Center:
IK Multimedia iRig Guitar Recording Studio – $99.99
Before everyone was a DJ, everyone played the guitar. But guitars don’t have sync buttons sooo… ya. But if there are still some musicians out there, and they happen to have iPhones, this is the perfect gift. This handy little iRig, along with a free app, allows musicians to drop everything and record no matter where they are.
Monster Cable iSplitter Mini Y-Adapter for iPod – $9.95
This is the most inexpensive and possibly most useful item on our list. Have you ever had to share headphones with someone so they could hear a song or watch a movie on a trip? No more. This bad boy creates two headphone outputs from a single devices. Now you and 1 (or two, or three) friends can hear the same audio from the same device on a plane or train w/o being awkward.
Rode Microphones iXY Stereo Microphone for iPhone & iPad – $149
For the EDM Blogger in your life – a quality microphone than attaches onto the iPhone allowing for quick and no hassle interviews with their favorite DJ 🙂
You can still buy stuff online and get it today!!!
There are several music subscription services that any music-lover would be more than happy to have someone else pay for. Click on the photos below to learn more about Spotify, SiriusXM and the intriguing Google Music, which may very well put Spotify and Pandora out of business.
But wait!!
Consider the rapidly approaching day of celebration we like to call New Year’s Eve. Might we suggest tickets for your EDM-obsessed friend or family member see the founder of Swedish House Mafia, man behind the #1 DJ mix of 2014 and God to true fans of EDM everywhere? Oh ya… at the #38 night life venue in the world?
ERIC PRYDZ – TUESDAY DECEMBER 31ST – ECHOSTAGE
(click the flyer for details)
Ok – back to buying music:
Any of that stuff sound good? Is it too much? Too little? All you need to do is get up and head over to Best Buy or Guitar Center and ask for help. Those places are an audiophile’s heaven waiting to be explored. You can always spend a bit less or a whole lot more.
Happy hunting. You’re welcome 🙂
10 Ways to Know You are Too Old to be at the Club
Hey, you, old man river in the corner lurking at all the young girls with your ironed khakis and Hooters to go bag of leftovers! Or you, yeah you, cat women in the corner, I know you’ll be shocked by this article, even though your face is pulled too tight to emote emotion, but you, yes you, just may be too old for the nightclub.
Dun dun dun!!!! Shocker, but just like a caterpillar cocoons and flies upon butterfly wings to a new life, as Cro-Magnon man ultimately rises upward and sheds his fur, the club goer too must eventually, grow up, move on and find other nightlife activities, like civilized dinner parties where your Ann Taylor wrap dress or matching pant suit can be appreciated or Bingo night at the rec center.
No harm there! But there comes a time in every club kids life when you need to call it quits because guess what, nobody wants to dance next to the old dudes and saggy ladies from the leftover days of yore.
Look, we won’t leave you hanging out to dry trying to guess whether your rapidly approaching nightclub expiration date is overdue. Here are some surefire tips on how to tell if it’s time to quit the club scene.
1. You are first in line, first to go home, and of course you didn’t make it to the after party.
You definitely checked the clubs website, probably a month in advance to see the specials, the FAQ, the dress code. In fact you probably studied the general lay out of the club in advance and where all the bathrooms and emergency exits are located. For all your research, you know exactly what time the club opens and will be there 15 minutes early to ensure you are first in line. But, long before midnight, you will be yawning, checking your watch and hurrying back to suburbia to make it to McDonald’s before they close.
2. You have to get a babysitter
Unless you were 16 and pregnant, if you have kids it probably a good idea to give up the club life. Having to schedule a babysitter to hit the club scene means you have kids, so you should probably go home and take care of them. What babysitter wants to babysit until 3am, oh that’s right you can’t make it past midnight anyway.
3. Nobody IDs you
You’re in line for the door, which is already testing your patience. The last time you stood in line was at Starbucks to get your daily double mocha whatever on the way to your doubly mind numbing day job. As you watch the bouncer carefully card each guest as they enter, you reach for your giant wallet, you know, the kind that can hold a checkbook. Your turn finally comes, the bouncer looks at you as you reach for your ID they say- “No ma’am or sir go right ahead.” No ID check, and did he just call me ma’am?
4. You can’t believe they don’t serve food
No cheese plate with my wine? But the sign said ‘Hungry Club’! First off, if you’re ordering wine in a nightclub, that should be your first indicator to go home and enjoy a rousing game of Jenga- but nightclubs are about the music, the drinking, the dancing, the hooking up not shoving an onion blossom in your mouth and toe tapping along to your light hits from the 80s and 90s. I’m sure there is a Chili’s or TGI Fridays down the street from your home in the burbs. You know the place where you park your Volvo and go on bi-weekly Costco runs.
5. Can’t believe the prices
If you didn’t already faint at the price of admission, you’re for sure going to freak out when you order your first drink. $12? What I only ordered one drink. When I used to go clubbing (who says ‘go clubbing’? see next entry) drinks only cost $6 as you make the bartender and everyone around you pissed off as you have your mini meltdown- time for that St. Johns Wort herbal supplement pack you brought in your oversized purse. Hey, at least you probably have a job and can afford the $12 as opposed to your younger club counterparts who are maxing out their credit cards.
6. Your lingo is out of date- Molly who?
If you like to ‘party like a rock star’, ‘get jiggy with it’, or want to smoke some ‘grass’ or ‘go clubbing’ or perhaps engage in a ‘tab of ecstasy’ (drug use is not endorsed by us) you’re probably a decade or four past your prime. In fact, you could probably ask your teenage children what all the ‘cool kids’ are ‘rapping’ about these days and at least get your slang up to date. Geezer! Go have a ‘soda pop’.
7. Why do you have to buy a bottle just to sit down?
Bottle service is entirely lost on you. Why would I buy a bottle for $300 when I can get a bottle for $30 at the local liquor store? Why do I have to pay just to sit down? Because, it’s a status thing, the kids get it. You buy a table; you get a table, a place to sit, a hot cocktail waitress and the ability to look down at all the “others” on the general dance floor- la di da I can afford a table! Dance Monkeys!
8. You’ve been to the same club over and over…
If you find yourself at Ultrabar and are in line telling your friend you used to come here back in the day when it was called Home Nightclub or even farther back when it was… You’ve seen it through more renovations than your own home. Which reminds you to go look at paint samples for your kitchen remodel. Then, you’ve seen far too many generations of this establishment. On to the Moose Lodge saddle bags!
9. Complain about the music
Everything is too loud, too heavy and too crazy for you. You ask for earplugs and have to reach for your legally prescribed migraine meds. Then you are abhorred when some hooligan kid’s dilated pupils are eyeing your prescription bottle. You’re getting out of here fast, in fact you may even be tempted to call management in the morning and alert them of possible drug activity in their establishment. “Shit hole!” you may silently murmur under your breath as your cheeks turn red from your reckless abandon of using a curse word out loud.
10. You feel like shit the next day and have to call out of work
You just can’t hang like you used to. Back in the day, you could party all night long. In fact your night didn’t start until midnight. You’d hit after party, after, after party and still make it to work the next day (if you even had a job) bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to go at it all over again the next night. Now, you wake up feeling like a ton of bricks, grasping for the Gatorade and Tylenol and swearing you got drugged by someone and claiming you used to ‘party like a rock star’. You call out of work saying you have food poisoning.
So go have your fun, be an over aged clubber if you got the balls (even if they are hanging low these days) own it. But remember, normal people your age, are having families and growing out of their club haze. You’re just floating behind the curve while you’re reproductive organs rot, but join the club, where all are welcome.
Proof That Models Are Not Real Humans
No, we’re not talking about fake Facebook models. Unfortunately they’re all too real…
Found on George Takei’s Facebook Page (aka the best Facebook page EVER) and reposted via upworth.com, a video titled ‘the power of Adobe Photoshop’ shows in 37 seconds how powerful the graphic design tool truly is.
A time-lapse video from start to finish of a model posing, having her hair and makeup done, being photographed and then that photograph being photoshopped… is proof that the models you see in the media are in fact, not human.
The bigger issue is obviously how society has subconsciously forced women to believe that they are never attractive enough. But at the end of the day – no woman – not even the actual model in the photo – is attractive as the cartoon you’re comparing yourself to. So ladies – this goes out to you: Don’t stress so hard about looking beautiful. Because you’ll never be as pretty as a professionally photoshopped model. As you can see above, neither is the actual model.
Someone, somewhere is now trying to figure out how to sue Adobe for their friend, relative or client’s depression, anorexia and/or low self-esteem. Feels like these days low self-esteem perpetuated by media and educational facades is an actual condition, no?
And this, friends, is why being awesome at Photoshop is something you want in on. We’re always on the look out for interns skilled in making people look hotter than they actually are. If you’re interested (in graphic design or becoming hotter) drop us a line at info@dcclubbing.com/wordpress2 🙂
Prostitutes are Beliebers
Justin Bieber yolo’d his way into the headlines yet again this past weekend in Brazil. When the wonder boy is not busy churning out hits from his bong heart, he is hard at work stealing the heart of a Brazilian prostitute. What is that? I made a mistake? It was two prostitutes? I apologize and stand corrected.
El Biebs was caught sneaking out of the popular brothel Centauros with two females this past Friday in Rio de Janeiro. While it is not confirmed that the two females were prostitutes, it is general logic that when a person leaves a whorehouse with two people that he did not enter with, they may, in fact, be prostitutes. In addition to this Bieber left with a blanket draped over him that had the sex den’s logo on it, leaving us to believe that “being discreet about things” is not high on the pop star’s priority list.
Later in the morning he was kicked out of the hotel for breaking their rules. His management claims that the artist left due to hordes of fans ambushing the hotel. I am claiming that he and Miley Cyrus are on a tight timeframe to see who can officially lay claim to the title “Ratchet Jesus.”
Earlier Bieber had showed up an hour and a half late to his show, and three hours late to a meet and greet that fans had paid over $1000 each in order to attend. It was reported that Bieber stormed off stage during his performance earlier after getting hit by a water bottle all whilst kicking the Brazilian flags that were left on stage from fans.
This of course comes after reports that Bieber had allegedly paid a hooker in Panama City at a club $500 to have sex and smoke weed in his hotel room the week before.
Apart from all of this, there are many positive highlights that allow Justin Bieber to shine. The most notable of these events can be found below in no particular order:
-Getting out of various speeding tickets (caught on camera with no cars following him) by telling police officers that he was “evading paparazzi:” We cannot imagine how hard it must be having to deal with imaginary photographers chasing you in imaginary photographer rocket cars that turn invisible upon spotting cop cars.
-Spitting on fans: Can these fans really be mad? They have been waiting to swap spit with Sir Bieber for years, and he was caring enough to oblige to their demands (and prostitutes).
-Punching EDM DJ Michael Woods’ tour manager in the face after the EDM DJ refused to play hip hop: Can you blame him? What is worse than going to an EDM DJ’s EDM set and only hearing EDM music being played? The DJ told the shirtless Bieber to “f*ck off and put a shirt on.” Clubs can get hot, and Michael Woods should know that. Sometimes the only viable option to cool down is rip your shirt off and demand some Drake. If I do not hear at least one variation of “Starships” by Nicki Minaj during a night out I usually chalk it up as a wasted night.
-After punching Michael Woods’ tour manager, Bieber ran behind his security screaming “recognize when you see a real n*gga:” Have you ever seen or met an EDM DJ? They are the most frightening human beings on planet earth behind hipsters and Snooki. In Beiber’s defense, Michael Woods was totally not being PLUR by not playing hip hop and being unable to recognize that Bieber is a “real n*gga.” Stay black. Stay proud Justin.
-Peeing in a restaurant’s mop bucket: I cannot lie and for once I am not being sarcastic. I respect this power move. Well done.
Of course I could continue on in the glorious YOLO swag life of the mighty Bieber, but it would detract from the real point of this article.
We want to salute the audience member that managed to hit Justin Bieber with a bottle of water. With one swift throw and pinpoint accuracy that would rival Tony Romo to opposing defensive backs, you managed to hit the bane of everyone’s existence and subsequently send him to the loving arms of two Brazilian prostitutes. In the end, that is what the kid needs. Some tender love and care. And an STD test.
Canada: America’s hat.
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Follow me on Twitter @BenLekDC
YouTube’s First-Ever Music Awards Show
What:
The YouTube Music Awards
When:
Sunday November 3, 2013
Where:
Live from Pier 36 – New York, New York w/ additional feeds from Rio de Janeiro, Seoul, Moscow and London.
Hosted by Jason Schwartzman and Reggie Watts • Directed by Spike Jonze
With performances by Eminem, Lady Gaga, Avicii, MIA, Arcade Fire, Tyler the Creator and YouTube’s biggest stars.
Categories:
The YouTube Music Awards categories include video of the year, artist of the year, phenomenon of the year and more:
The nominees were selected by using YouTube data from the last year based on views, likes, shares, comments and subscriptions.
Check out the Official YouTube Music Awards Nominee Playlists and cast your vote!
The Biggest Battle
Clearly the biggest question is who will win the YouTube Phenomenon category… Gangnam Style or Harlem Shake? Both were massive hits amongst the ADD generation (yes, that’s you). Both caused people to do awesome dances all the time, everywhere. It’s a tough one for sure.
The Stats
Gangnam Style
Uploaded 7/15/12
A YouTube Record 1.8+ billion views as of 10/28/13 – that’s double 2nd place (Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris – Baby).
The crazy thing is that 1.8 billion reflects only the official video. With everything else combined it’s gotta be pushing 3,000,000,000. That’s a lot of views…
Harlem Shake
Uploaded 8/23/12
First Parody Video 2/2/13
It’s hard to determine when the first Harlem Shake parody video was made, but many believe it to be the one called “DO THE HARLEM SHAKE” with the guys in the pink, alien and red power ranger suits and the one with the sumo mask.
Since them a ton of famous people (The Miami Heat, Paul van Dyk, the cast of Sports Centre, Anderson Cooper, T-Pain, Jeff Gordon, and Jimmy Fallon, to name a few) have put up videos. And countless more.
Because of the Harlem’s Shake’s insane viral behavior, Billboard ended up announcing it would use YouTube stats to determine it’s Hot 100 chart, placing Baauer at the top of the list for several weeks. Here are some crazy Harlem Shake video stats.
The Biggest Controversy
Tyler the Creator (yes, one of the awards show’s performers) as well as LA cool guy Flying Lotus have both been outspoken critics of the social media platform’s category nominees. They have some pretty justified arguments, albeit via ranting tweets, about the same old pop acts being nominated, likening the show to the MTV VMAs.
It’s sort of true when you think about it. Sure the Obama vs. Romney rap battle video is nominated, but so are Lady Gaga and One Republic songs. The argument is that YouTube should be rewarding the little guy who makes original, innovative content, and leave the VMA stuff for MTV.
You can read more about Tyler and FL’s disdain via the LA Times.
For us the obvious concern is… YouTube is a video channel, not a music channel…
Needless to say, the YouTube Music Awards marks something truly amazing for the media and entertainment worlds. Social, traditional, music, film, it all comes together in an awards show determined by now many times people click play.
11 Things That Suck About Taking The Metro
I love DC, but commuting can be a real bitch sometimes. Here are the things about the metro that drive DC residents and commuters crazy:
1. People who walk slow on the escalators when you’re in a hurry.
2. When you are on your way to work (or anywhere for that matter) and you see this sign:
3. When you are forced to use the metro on a holiday or after a large event and it looks like this:
4. People who bring bikes on the car and do this:
5. Pole-leaners. *shudder*
6. People who don’t put enough money on their SmartTrip or deactivate it and cause a line during rush hour.
7. Drunk people coming home from the bar/club, when they do things like this:
Although sometimes this can be amusing.
8. Couples on crowded trains who do this:
9. People who travel with things like this:
Seriously, what is that?
10. When this happens:
11. Sometimes there are idiots who decide to do things like this:
You might as well call out of work now and find a good place to sit because you’re never getting out of that station.
Essentially, taking the metro makes me feel like this sometimes:
All images taken from Google.
Editor’s note: if we had a “What’s Not Hot in DC Nightlife” category this would go there. The only hot thing about the metro is waiting on the platform in the summer.
The Future of Cell Phones?
iPhone 5c Be Scared – Phonebloks is coming
Imagine a cell phone where you upgrade single parts as needed… as opposed to getting a new one every time something small malfunctions. Has your phone become slow? Replace the part that affects speed, not the entire thing.
- Need a new screen? Get one
- Do you save info on the cloud and have little to no use for added memory?
Get rid of the card and increase the size of your battery - Do you care more about photo/video than sound? Get a smaller speaker and a bigger lens
- Are you an audiophile? Just go get some good headphones already… lol
Phonebloks could change the way we upgrade phones
Imagine if you could choose (or interchange) the charging port on your phone… what if you had multiple pieces so you could use any charger. Instead of one charger that fits all phones, you could have 1 phone that fits all chargers… WOW!
Waiting in line overnight for cell phones the way people do for concert tickets is getting ridiculous. Drooling over upgrades with few practical improvements is becoming a waste of time. Phonebloks may end all that. And it seems as though it provides an avenue for electronics manufacturers to continue monetizing the industry through product development.
Phonebloks is a platform that houses interchangeable parts in one unit to provide a customized communication device. Amazing!
10 Useful Things to Remember When Moving
You finally have a new job, new apartment, possibly in a new city. The lease is signed and the keys are in your pocket. Now all you have to do is move…
You may wanna keep the following things in mind:
1. Are you bringing your car? If you’re moving somewhere with great public transportation, good cabs and horrible parking (sound familiar?) you may want to sell your ride. Put it on Craigslist a month or two out just in case.
2. Are you moving in/out of places with stairs? Do freight elevators need to be reserved? Are there specific move-in/out hours? You should probably make sure you have dolly/luggage carts at your disposable. Moving dressers SUCKS.
3. PACK EARLY. Don’t f*** yourself and pack the night before you move. Maybe a week before you’re outtie, set a few things aside as if you were going on vacation. That’s what you’ll live off. Pack everything else and make sure it’s completely done. And LABEL YOUR BOXES (kitchen, bedroom, office, etc.) Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
4. If you have roommates, decide what you’re taking, what you’re leaving and any sort of money issues regarding common items, security deposit, etc. This can be a shitty thing sometimes but at the end of the day, you don’t want a bad break up. It’s not worth the stress, hassle and bad vibes. Make concessions if you must, or fuck it, start a fight and never talk to them again. Your call.
(watch ’til the end… they fight, shake hands and that was that)
5. Reserve a U-Hall in advance. If you wait until the week of they may not have the type of truck you need. Go to the place early and get boxes… big, small, wardrobe, etc. They’re cheap and returnable so buy a bunch. If your current building has a listserv then use it. People more than likely have boxes they don’t want.
And don’t believe that whole “Move for $19.99” bs. I spent $377 moving from DC to NY.
6. Bribe your friends. Sure, your friends should help you move. But god damn, take care of them! Moving sucks, dude. And I’m not talking about getting them subs and wings. Take them to dinner, maybe do something beforehand to make the dinner taste better, you know.
7. Don’t look like a bum. There might be hot chicks (or guys) living in your building, on your floor or next to you. Make sure have that ‘hot just moving in’ look so you can lay the foundation for some friends w/ benefits nearby.
8. Pack with boxes that once held expensive items and have lots of branding on the outside. That way your new neighbors will think you’re ballin and want to be friends with you (or want to rob you…)
9. Learn your new neighborhood. The bars, restaurants, subway, parking, etc. Take a couple hours and walk 10 blocks up and down each way and on every side street. Find those hidden neighborhood gems. Do this once during the day and once at night to really get acquainted.
10. Hire movers!!! If you don’t feel like doing all the BS you can simply hire a moving company. It can be costly, so practice due diligence and shop around. Ask your friends, family and their friends and family if they know anyone. Or get your new job to pay for it. And book them more than a week in advance. And try not to hire anyone shady who’s going to hold your stuff for ransom and lie about shipping weights…
And there you have it.
