11 Reasons Why You’d Never Leave DC!

So it’s cold as sh*t outside all over the Northeast, duh, it’s called winter.  Still, every Facebook post is whining about the cold weather, as if in utter shock.  OK, we hear you; it’s colder than we’d expect to get here in DC.  But isn’t everyone sick of reading the constant stream of temperature posts or here’s a popular post-

“F this weather, I’m moving to Miami!” 

Forbes did report that according to a long running study of moving van line data, the masses are in fact fleeing the Northeast for the South and West in general.   You know the one exception, Washington DC.  Boom!

So who thinks that anyone will really go through with this and is there any truth to it? Maybe, but we think you’re never going to leave DC and once the Cherry Blossoms arrive, you’ll forget all about the winter from hell.

Here’s why no silly winter storm will be enough you kick you out of your beloved city.

1.  You’re an Alcoholic

It’s no secret, Washingtonians like their booze.  DC ranked 9^th in a poll of the “Top 25 Drunkest Cities in the US” reported by the Daily Beast.  DC was also ranked #1 for “Drunkest Singles in America”.  But what are we to do? How else are we expected to keep warm in this weather? For some advice check out “7 Ways to Stay Warm During a Winter Storm”.

2.  Unemployed and Homeless is NOT a Winning Combo

Nowhere is the employment rate lower than in DC, with government jobs and good economic opportunities. Plus, DC attracts highly educated professionals, who have money- you know what that translates to- CHA CHING all you gold diggers! With all those people heading south and west job competition is staggering- just think of being a Crackle Barrel waitress when you have a PHD I bet that’s not quite what you had in mind, but at least when you’re homeless in the sunny states you’re not freezing- silver lining!

3.  Equal Rights

Same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia was legalized on December 18, 2009. The District became the first jurisdiction in the United States below the Mason–Dixon Line to allow same-sex couples to marry.  If not, think of it this way, you need a green card, marry your best friend!

4.  You LOVE Living in the Nation’s Capital

DC is obviously THE political hub of the country.  You can protest, you can witness a presidential inauguration from your front porch, run into the President while your at Starbucks or hit up all the tourists attractions and monuments.  In Miami the closest you’ll get to a national landmark is South Beach.  So think less, history of America and more drug trafficking.

5.  You Can’t Give Up that Preppy G-town Costume

What will you do with all your preppy Georgetown inspired fashion?  Nowhere does khakis, pastel colored dress shirts, Lacoste everything, bow ties and sear suckers quite like DC.  You may find yourself out of fashion next to the casual Southern and Western styles.

6.  Music is the Answer

Washington DC is a major player in the EDM scene.  There’s no DJ you can’t gain access to in DC with Echostage, Glow events.  So the whole fleeing for music scene, just doesn’t work anymore.  You’ll still have WMC, we won’t hold that against you.  Just check out the current Glow calendar of events.

7.  No habla espanol?

If you don’t know what that says, then don’t pack your bags just yet.  If you don’t speak Spanish life in Miami or many other Southern or Western cities will surely frustrate you.  Street signs double in English and Spanish.  An overwhelming amount of jobs require bilingual candidates and you’ll just feel left out.

8.  You’re a Pig

DC is a food lover’s paradise.  There’s everything from Celebrity Chef driven restaurants to food trucks on every corner.  If you move south get used to eating chitlins and ham hocks!

9.  You’re a Redskins Fan

How would you explain being a Redskins fan. Redskins fans are pretty intense and the District is a pretty small place, so outside of it, you’d be a total outsider.  Those red and gold head to toe outfits won’t look so hot outside FedEx Field.

10.  Best Party Schools Ever

Between DC, Maryland and Virginia there’s no shortage of party schools, and well parties in general.  Maybe that’s why it’s the 9^th drunkest city in the U.S. So how could you ever think of leaving these co-eds and keggers behind?  Check out “The Biggest Party Schools in the DC Area”.  And a big shout out goes to the University of Maryland who ranked 18 in “America’s Top Party Schools”.

11.  You’re Not a Senior Citizen

Follow a simple rhyme- “Do your balls/boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow…” You’re not supposed to flee the cold until your retired.  Just ask the Golden Girls.  The sunny side is ideal for seniors, but if you’d rather pussy out and join Grandpa for a round of bocce ball than party it up in DC, that’s your call.  You’ll be sipping prune juice before the ice melts.

So, try and hang in there, stay warm and don’t get the winter blues.  It’s a great time of year to fake the flu and get out of school or work.  There are no snow days in the sunshine.  Just the constant, crippling fear of a deadly Tsunami, a hurricane, an earthquake, or your entire state detaching from the rest of the country all together.  Fear should be setting in nicely now!