Horrible Ways to Break Up With a Girl: The Break Up Guide for Guys
The Break Up Guide for Guys
Washington DC sex scandals have provided some great blueprints for the best way to break up with your girlfriend. Case and point: Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton (but she stayed), Newt Gingrich, Bob Packwood (what a name!) and more. We’ve watched carefully, taken notes and found the best methods to provide girls in DC with more single guys.
Get Wasted and Go From There
Yeah, we just used a picture of Big Ben.
Just get tanked and let go. Starting a fight at the bar would probably embarrass and piss her off, but you might get beat up and thrown in jail. Not recommended.
It’s probably safer to get wasted, say some really effed up things and then leave her stranded somewhere. Or you could just hook up with some random chicks… or one of her friends. That’d probably do it.
Be Nice – Lie
The truth hurts, so just lie. You probably do it all the time anyway. Just make sure it sounds good, but not too good.
• I think we need a break
• I love you, I just need some space for a bit, we’ll be back together soon.
• My mom/dad is really sick and I just can’t give you the attention you deserve right now.
Then just let it fade into darkness.
Be a Dick – Tell the Truth
You definitely might get hit, but hey, she’s the one who wants you to be honest with her.
• I just want to be friends
• I’ve found someone else
• I can’t stand the sound of your voice
• I no longer find you attractive
There’s probably a really nice way to say how you feel – so maybe tell the truth in a nice way or something (ie lie).
Start a Fight, Then Ignore Her
For all intents and purposes, this is the most f***ed up way to break up with a girl. You sure as sh*t better hope she’s not a psycho or you’re screwed.
Start a fight and wait for her to say something really messed up. It has to be close to unforgivable. Then blow up and tell her it’s over. You can’t believe she’d stoop that low. Tell her to go to hell and that’s that.
You’ll have to ignore any and all attempts by her to apologize. And you better pray she doesn’t start showing up at your work or home. Just make sure you don’t give in to the temptation of make up sex.
Take Her to a Nice Steak Dinner
And never call her again! Honestly, this could be the best way to break up if you want to remain friends or if you really do care.
Take her to dinner or have dinner together at home. Delicately bring up your issues. Be nice, be honest, be warm but firm (that’s what she said). At the end of your talk softly say that for those reasons you don’t think you can be together anymore. If you’re at home she’ll cry and you should console her. If you’re in public she may cry and you should probably run to avoid embarrassment.
Here’s a tip – pick up the check before you start the break-up. And maybe have a cab waiting or the valet ready.
Air It Out on Facebook
No need to post a rant on her wall. That just makes you look bad.
Simply change your status and wait for the fallout. You don’t even need to talk to her. But you will most likely have to block her cause the fallout ain’t gonna be pretty.
Send a Letter
You could write a heartfelt letter or you could draw a picture of you riding a giraffe.
In all seriousness, if you don’t have the balls to break up with her in person or follow one of the schemes we’ve already discussed, then you kinda deserve to be whipped.
And if you can’t even take the time to hand write a letter and you just send an email – then you’re just plain lazy.
Ask Her to Go Above and Beyond
Be careful, cause this could seriously backfire.
Ask her to move in with you. Ask her to marry you. When she says no tell her that if she can’t commit then you can’t be together.
This is reeeaaally risky for obvious reasons.
Disclaimer
We’re not necessarily telling you to actually do this stuff, then again, we know people who have. In all seriousness, you should probably be nice about breaking up. Karma is a b*tch, then again, she might be too.
Chachi – Fri 01.27.12 [Glow at Josephine]
GLOW Washington DC presents:
Chachi
www.djchachi.com
Opening set by DJ Logue
Friday Janaury 27, 2012
Josephine
1008 Vermont Ave NW
Washington, DC 20005
(202) 347-8601
Table reservations: (202) 271-1171
Doors at 10pm, Ages 21+
From: USA (Long Island) | Style: House
Famous Tracks: Lights rmx, Avicii Tweets My Road bootleg, Glowing Money is Hot N Fun bootleg, All Tiesto Does is Win rmx
Best Known For: Fashion Indie Mix Series, being one of NY’s top celebrity DJs
Formerly known as DJ Chachi, the long island recording engineer-turned disc-jockey dropped the jock and went house! As dance music takes over, Chachi has slowly woven his open-format style in with the emerging popularity of artists like Avicii, Dirty South and Swedish House Mafia to bring a fresh take on the best of house!
DJ Pauly D – Sat 02.25.12 [Glow at Fur]
GLOW Washington DC presents:
DJ Pauly D
www.djpaulyd.com
Saturday February 25, 2012
Fur Nightclub
33 Patterson St NE # A
Washington D.C., DC 20002-3349
(202) 842-3401
Doors at 10pm, Ages 18+
Famous Tracks: Beat Dat Beat, Fist Pump
Best Known For: Breaking hearts on the boardwalk
DJ Pauly D makes his triumphant DC nightlife return! The Providence resident-turned MTV reality star-turned international DJ success drops a little bit of everything – house, top 40, hip-hop, mash up and more! Get the champagne ready baby – DJ Pauly D gives DC events a run for their money!!!
Cosmic Gate w/ Emma Hewitt – Sat 01.28.12 [Glow at Fur]
GLOW Washington DC presents:
Cosmic Gate
www.cosmic-gate.de
Emma Hewitt (live!)
emmahewittofficial.com
Saturday 01.28.12
Fur Nightclub
33 Patterson St NE # A
Washington D.C., DC 20002-3349
(202) 842-3401
Opening set by Roberto Gonzalez
Doors Open at 10pm, Ages 18+
Famous Tracks: Exploration of Space, Firewire, The Wave, Not Enough Time, Be Your Sound, The Truth, Body of Conflict, London Rain, I Love You remix, Find Yourself remix
Best Known For: Being more popular than Oktoberfest
Cosmic Gate has been rocking out at Glow for nearly a decade and we’re incredibly proud to bring back this longtime favorite to DC! To sweeten the deal, Emma Hewitt will be performing live over tracks like Be Your Sound, Calm Down, and Not Enough Time!
Nic Chagall and Bossi are prepared to transport you on another exploration of space at Glow!
Arriving Fri Jan 27: Carnival at Ultrabar
Beginning January 27, 2012
The biggest party in the world comes to DC nightlife every single week!
Carnival Fridays at Ultrabar Nightclub will have:
Panorama Productions is excited to bring Carnival to DC nightlife, every Friday at Ultrabar Nightclub. Drawing inspiration from the biggest party in the world, Ultrabar plans to infuse elements of the Brazilian, Portuguese and Caribbean Carnivals as well as New Orleans Mardi Gras into one massive event. With complimentary party favors, confetti blasts and live performers, Carnival at Ultrabar is DC nightlife’s newest escape from the mundane!
DJ Kid Lucky January Mix – Trivia Pursuit
Trivial Pursuit with DJ Kid Lucky
DJ Kid Lucky is one of the hottest resident talents in DC. With a humble start in younger years playing the clarinet, saxophone, and drum, his DJ career has expanded his horizons and enabled him performances in front of numerous celebrities, athletes, artists, and actors! Highlights include opening for Wale and playing before 6,000 screaming fans outside RFK Stadium at Dayglow. With enough time and skill on his side, keep your eyes out on this 22 year old “kid” as he blows up even more in 2012!
Great new songs from Calvin Harris, Rihanna, Afrojack, Drake, Skrillex, LMFAO, Nicky Romero, Steve Aoki, The Wanted, Swedish House Mafia, Wynter Gorden, Jay-Z, and many more!
Be sure to catch DJ Kid Lucky at Barcode on Tuesdays and Ultrabar every Friday night!
Panorama Podcast Episode 1 feat. DJ Saam 01.11.12
Panorama Podcast, Episode #1 feat. DJ Saam
The brand new Panorama Productions Podcast!!!
Coming out every Wednesday!
“Like” Panorama Productions
Follow @DCClubbing
Watch CLUBSLIVE
*Presenting the Panorama Podcast*
Episode #1 – DC resident DJ Saam
Panorama Podcast: DJ Saam 01.11.12 (Episode 1) by DCClubbing
For more free downloads of great sets from the best DJs in Washington, DC, please subscribe to Panorama Productions on SoundCloud!
The Panorama Productions Podcast consists of live and studio sets from DC’s hottest local talents. Live sets are recorded weekly at Ultrabar, Barcode, Lima, Josephine, and/or Glow Washington DC.
How to Break Up with a Guy: The Break Up Guide for Girls
The Break Up Guide for Girls
“Breaking up is never easy,” that’s what ‘they’ say, but it can be. Just like Paul Simon said in his 1975 hit (later remixed by Kid Cudi) “There must be fifty ways to leave your lover”. Here are a few to get you started on the road to freedom!
Rip It Off
Just like a Band-Aid. Prolonging the situation only makes it worse. Tell him, simply, kindly, but firmly. Dragging the relationship out only makes it worse. You wouldn’t want a guy to waste your time, so don’t waste his.
Don’t Make a Big Production
Skip the blame game. It’s over, who cares who did what. Keep it short. “It’s not working out. Peace!” Then delete his number so you are not tempted to go on a month-long texting rant with him.
Don’t Make Up An Elaborate Story
Saying you are moving to Yemin or your grandmother is dying only makes life more complicated. Cut to the chase, tell him you don’t like his soul patch or the way he leaves the toilet seat up (total deal breakers), no need to beat around the bush.
Just…Give Up
Too much of a wimp to pull the cord on this relationship? Drive him away with your bad habits. Skip a shower, or ten. Start working on those dreadlocks. Ditch the razor. Don your Snuggie and Uggs (in public). Let your gas seep and your teeth rot. Pee standing up. It’s only a matter of time before he runs for the hills.
Go Greyhound
Some guys just don’t get it. Maybe it’s time to take that trip to Cabo. Or maybe it’s time to move, period. Who knows what kind of psycho you were dating. For the hard cases, if it’s just not sinking into his thick skull, there is no time like the present to flee to Mexico, dye your hair and claim a new identity!
The Classic Break-up
Using the old standby lines “It’s me, it’s not you”, “I need to focus on me now.” Those are classic lines and if you don’t care about this guy at all, go for it. The problem may arise when he thinks that when you are done ‘focusing on you’ you will come back to him.
Get Your Sh*t and Go!
If you live together, or have an oh-so-generous drawer at his place, get your things backs prior to the break-up. Make sure to line up new living arrangements if you live together or slowly take your things back to your place. This will avoid never getting that ‘Duran Duran Greatest Hits’ album back or being homeless. If he has a drawer at your place, place his belonging in a locker at a bowling alley or bus terminal and bring the key as a parting gift.
Bring Friends
Dating insurance! Make plans with a friend prior to the big sit down. This way you can break the news and get on with your night so he can’t lure you into an emotional boo-hoo never ending breakup conversation. Bring ’em too! There’s always strength in numbers!
Send a Tweet!
So it’s not the most politically correct way to dump a guy, but maybe you don’t really care about them, or maybe they are a crybaby, or a jerk. If you just don’t care, shoot a text, email, or tweet.
Go Public
Make a break-up date and stick to it. Go to lunch or for coffee and drop the hammer. Guys will be less inclined to cry or make a scene in public during the daytime. Then you can check that break-up off your to-do list and get on to the next victim…or boyfriend.
Whore-it-up!
A sure-fire way to lose a guy- sleep with his best friend! You will be on the receiving end on this one, but it will take the burden off of being the dumpee while getting some of your own action between the sheets.
Perhaps Nada Surf said it best “Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected. Even if you’ve gone together for only a short time, and haven’t been too serious, there’s still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company. But if you’re honest, and direct, and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news, the boy will respect you for your frankness, and honestly he’ll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner in which you told him your decision. Unless he’s a real jerk or a cry baby you’ll remain friends!”
DC Area Best Live Music Venues
Washington, DC is not only the most powerful city in the world… it’s a capital of great live music! While often overshadowed by bigger cities, it has produced its share of incredible musicians, including conductor John Phillips Sousa, jazz pioneer Duke Ellington, and soul singer Marvin Gaye. The birthplace of Go-Go, a bastion for hardcore and punk rock, and home to a huge electronic scene, Washington, DC really does have it all!
Below is our list of the best live music venues in DC and the metropolitan area.
9:30 Club
Address:
815 V Street, NW
Washington, DC 20001
(202) 265-0930
Website: 930.com
Hours: Check calendar for concert showtimes
The 9:30 Club has long been a staple of DC nightlife, first opening its doors to the public in 1980. Historically a rock venue, the 9:30 Club has featured plenty of legendary acts over the years, including Bob Dylan, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and the Beastie Boys. For years, it has been regarded the best places to see live music in DC.
Echostage
Address:
2125 Queens Chapel Road, NE
Washington, DC 20018
(202) 503-2330
Website: echostage.com
Hours: Saturdays, 10 pm – 4 am
Echostage is Washington DC’s largest, dedicated concert venue. The new home of Club Glow, Echostage primarily hosted the world’s largest DJs during its 3 months of being open. Renovations in the first quarter of 2013, coupled with some exciting new partnerships will provide DC with a nightlife-oriented concert experience for all tastes.
Eighteenth Street Lounge
Address:
1212 18th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 466-3922
Website: eighteenthstreetlounge.com
Hours:
Tues-Thurs: 5:30 pm – 2am
Fri: 5:30pm – 3am
Sat: 9:30pm – 3am
Sun: 9:30pm – 2am
Set in an 19th Century Victorian mansion formerly owned by President Theodore Roosevelt, Eighteenth Street Lounge is one of DC’s swankiest nightlife landmarks. Home to live DJ act Thievery Corporation and anything from jazz, funk bands, reggae, Brazilian acts, and more, this lounge is hopping with live vibes!
Learn more about Eighteenth Street Lounge
U Street Music Hall
Address:
1115A U Street, NW
Washington, DC 20009
(202) 588-1880
Website: ustreetmusichall.com
Hours:
*Live shows: 7 – 10 pm
>(check website for calendar)
*DJ nights: 10 pm – 2 am, 3 am on weekends
U Street Music Hall has been setting the bar for underground dance clubs in Washington, DC. Owned by DJ/producers Will Eastman and Jesse Tittsworth, the venue was designed with dance music in mind, boasting perhaps the most heavenly sound system in town. Its no-photo policy and lack of a dress code suggests its customers should be more concerned about the music than with the door policy. “UHall,” as it is popularly known, is also home to numerous live bands and performances.
Learn more about U Street Music Hall
The Kennedy Center
Address:
2700 F Street NW
Washington, DC 20566
(202) 416-8000
Website: kennedy-center.org
Hours: Check calendar for full performance listings
The Kennedy Center is one of the world’s most premier venues for the performing arts. Comprised of three main theaters (the Concert Hall, Opera House, and Eisenhower Theater) and a handful of smaller stages, the Kennedy Center’s live music selection ranges from popular, classical, jazz, folk, and more. The Kennedy Center also regularly hosts theater, dance, and ballet productions.
The Fillmore
Address:
8656 Colesville Rd.
Silver Spring, MD 20910
(301) 960-9999
Website: fillmoresilverspring.com
Hours: Check calendar for concert showtimes
Opened in September 2011, The Fillmore is one of the best new venues in the DC area. In spite of its youth, huge names like Mary J. Blige, Deadmau5, LMAFO, Moby, Black Star, and more have graced its stage. With a great sound system, plenty of floor room, and great balcony views, The Fillmore is a great place to catch a show.
Learn more about The Fillmore Silver Spring
Jiffy Lube Live
Address:
7800 Cellar Door Drive
Bristow, VA 20136
(703) 754-6400
Website: LiveNation.com
Hours: Check website for concert showtimes
Jiffy Lube Live, formerly known as the Nissan Pavilion, is an outdoor amphitheater with a capacity of nearly 25,000 people, making it the largest music venue in the Washington Metropolitan area. With pavilion seating for 10,000 fans and a huge sprawling lawn, Jiffy Lube Live is a popular stop for big-name performers and music festivals during the summer. In early 2012 to many fans’ delight, the venue announced it was lifting its tailgating ban.
Wolf Trap
Address:
1551 Trap Rd.
Vienna, VA 22182
(703) 255-1900
Website: wolftrap.org
Hours: Check calendar for concert showtimes
Located on 13o acres of national park land, Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts features numerous indoor and outdoor music venues. Performances are incredibly diverse, ranging from anything between popular rock acts to jazz, ballet and classical music!
Merriweather Post Pavilion
Address:
10475 Little Patuxent Parkway
Columbia, MD 21044
(410) 715-5550
Website: merriweathermusic.com
Hours: Check website for concert showtimes
Located in Columbia, Maryland, Merriweather Post Pavilion has seen an incredible assortment of live acts over the years, ranging from Led Zeppelin and the Grateful Dead to Kid Cudi and Katy Perry. Perhaps best known in recent years as the home to the Virgin Mobile Free Fest at the end of every summer, this 19,000 person outdoor venue’s calendar is always lined with huge names.
College Welcome Week Parties in DC
School’s Back, Party Time!
2012 Welcome Week Events in DC:
Thursday 01.12.12 – Georgetown Welcome Back Party @ Lima
Class started yesterday. Syllabus week!
- Bassjackers are blowing up big-time this year!
- Opening set by DJ Ali Yousef
- Check out Lima in the DC Nightlife Guide!
Tuesday 01.17.12 – AU Welcome Back Party & “The Divide” Movie Premier Party @ Lima
American University students have many reasons to celebrate:
- Open bar until 11 pm!!!
- Lima’s College Night is the craziest weekly college party in DC
- Special movie premier party for “The Divide,” coming to select theaters nationwide on January 20
- Ticket giveaways, posters, guest dancers, and more!
Thursday 01.19.12 – GW Welcome Back & “Underworld Awakening” Movie Premier Party @ Lima
Great music, good friends, free giveaways… you can’t lose!
- Genre-defying electronic artist Wippenberg back at Glow
- Special movie premier party for “Underworld Awakening, coming to theaters nationwide on January 20
Friday 01.20.12 – AU/GW Welcome Back feat. AC204 & Van Nofsky @ Josephine
Students at American University and George Washington University are teaming up to deliver one unforgettable night out in DC at Josephine!
- Check out AC204, recorded on the Panorama’s Ustream show!
- Learn more about the luxurious Josephine Lounge
Friday 01.20.12 – Georgetown Welcome Back Blowout feat. DJs Geometrix & Arman @ Ultrabar
With five floors of music, four DJs, great drink specials (like $6 Absolut shots until midnight), and the best dance floor action in town, Ultrabar is the place to be on Friday nights in Washington, DC!
- Round trip bus service to and from Georgetown’s main gates!
Tuesday 01.24.12 – Grammy U Semester Kickoff Party @ Lima
Grammy U is teaming up with Panorama Productions and providing students a fun opportunity to win free music, Grammy U gear, and a few really sweet prizes!
- Check our DC Nightlife VIP for FREE passes and bottle specials!
Tuesday 01.31.12 – “The Vow” Movie Premier Party & Victoria’s Secret Gift Card Giveaway @ Lima
While DC area students are all back in school by now, there’s no reason the party needs to slow down. So we’re hooking you up:
- Special movie premier party for “The Vow,” coming to theaters nationwide on February 10!
- Numerous gift card giveaways to Victoria’s Secret!
Do you want to know more?
Visit the DC club guide to find out more about the best clubs in DC!
